ShenmueIrony 2
by NastyAlien45
Summary: A parody that takes place AFTER Shenmue. WARNING: Contents in this story may be a bit more explict than of ShenmueIrony 1 and 3. Originally written: February 2004
1. Episode 1: Fukusan's Dirty Secret

Episode 1: S.I. 2

"The Apollo" 

:: Ryo-san runs up onto stage with a black hood over his eyes and a tied down Muscle Shirt::  
:: Grabs a Microphone from the man on stage:: 

Ryo-san: WADDUP MY NIGROS!

:: The crowd full of black people goes wild::

Ryo-san: THATS RIGHT! ALL yal Americans can suck my small, jap DICK!

:: The room fell silent:: 

Ryo-san: Uhhh...fo'get i said dat'! Heres my flow, DUDES! 

"Ryo-san's flow" 

Ryo-san: Ok ok yal listen up! This goes to Eminems song," The REAL SLIM SHADY!" And here is goes:

Yo yo yo! Yal listen up now! Im the JAPPY! Yes im the REAl Jappy! My dick is sooo FLAPPY! So wont the REAL JAPPY suck my dick1 Suck my dick! SUCK MY DICK!  
Im large and in charge bitches! I'll kill you and bury ya in the ditches! Mo'fos! My ass is soo TALL, and ya can bearly see my BALLS! My dick is so flat, ya can squash it wid' a MAT! My dick is soo small, it can be crushed by my balls! U japs our wack! Some worship Buddha, other can kiss my ass! We all so damn crazy, lazy, and just soo IRRATATING! PEACE!

Crowd: BOOOO!!!!!

:: Ryo-san is thrown off the stage::

"Hazuki Residence" 

:: Ryo-san tosses and turns in his sleep::

Ryo-san:(Sleepidly) No! NO! I want to be the champ of the APPOLLO! NOOOO!!!

:: Ine-san charges in the room:: 

Ine-san: Ryo-san! Wake up! Nozomi's on the phone!

:: Ryo-san wakes up and answers the phone::

Ryo-san: Hello?   
Nozomi: RYO!!! Boy am I glad to hear your voice!   
Ryo-san:(Tiredly) Uhhh...y-yea...  
Nozomi: Maybe this'll bring ya back to life! Im coming down to Yokosuka, and im bringing one of my girlfriends. We wanna come over. I'll bring her over for Fuku-san, since he cant get layed even if a girl spread her legs and yelled," FUCK ME!"  
Ryo-san:(Suprised) Oh ok Nozomi! Talk to ya went ya get here.

"Fuku-san's Room" 

:: Ryo-san peeks his head in::

Ryo-san: Fuku-san! This is your lucky day! You might get layed!

:: Fuku-san is startled and drops the Playboy Magazines he had in his hand on the floor:: 

Ryo-san: ...and ya wont need ta' read them anymore...Fuku-san. The REAL thing is a WHOLE lot better! Ask Shen-Hua! Ah well...later Fuku-san.

:: After Ryo-san leaves... Fuku-san goes over to his drawer, filled with Playboy Magazines, and removes the bottom section of the drawer, reveiling Playgirl Magazines::  
:: Fuku-san gets hard;:

Fuku-san: GUYS! Yes...guys.

"Later on that day" 

:: Ryo-san picks the phone up in his room to call Nozomi::  
:: He hears a guy with a gay lisp on the line::

Man on line: Oh baby... I wanna work it from behind! Talk to ya when I see ya!

:: Man hangs up::  
:: Ryo-san walks to the main telephone::  
:: Fuku-san is holding the phone: He hears Ryo-san coming and hands it to Ine-san::  
:: Pretends that hes stretching::

Ryo-san: Ine-san? Is there something ya wanna tell me?  
Ine-san: Fuku-san...why did you-

:: Fuku-san fake falls and knocks Ine-san on the floor::

Fuku-an: OPPPSS!! Sorry Ine-san!   
Ine-san: YOU FUCKING BITCH! IM GETTING THE DAMN STICK AND BEATING YOUR ASS!!!!

"Ine-san's room" 

Ryo-san: Ine-san? A guy? Is there something ya wanna tell me?  
Ine-san: Oh no honey! Everythign is perfectly fine!  
Ryo-san: Ine-san!?!?   
Ine-san: OH FUCK! YA CAUGHT ME! COME ON OUT...!

:: Bill Clinton pops out from under the bedsheets with Al Gore::  
:: They give Ryo a thumbs up with cheesy smiles::  
:: Ryo-san kicks them outside in their pink poka-dot boxers::

Ryo-san: AND STAY OUT!

"Yard" 

Man: THAT SON OF YOURA TRYED TO MAKE A MOVE ON MY LITTLE BOY! He fell and got a hole in the back of his pants and your GODDAMN SON tryed to stick a dick in his ass-hole!!!  
Ine-san: OH NO! OF COURSE NOT! Fuku-san wouldn't do that!  
Fuku-san: YEA! HES LYIN'!  
Man: FUCK YOUR SON!   
Fuku-san: Noooo..im fuk-u-san!  
Man: FUCK YOUR SON!  
Fuku-san: NO! Im FUK-U-SAN!

:: Man walks away furiously::

Fuku-san: MAN! Some people need to go back to school.

" Late at Night" 

:: Nozomi knocks on Ryo-san door::  
:: Ryo-san answers::

Ryo-san: NOZOMI! Come on in.

:: Nozomi walks in with her hott, blonde, canadian friend::

Nozomi: This is my girlfriend from Canada...soo? Wheres Fuku-san.  
Nozomi's Friend: I betcha this Fuku-san guy is sooo SEXY!

:: Fuku-san walks out with his pants down and a bottle of lotion::

Fuku-san: DONT BUG ME RYO-SAN! I have DRY feet and im waxing them!

:: Nozomi and friend laugh::

Fuku-san: DONT MAKE FUN OF ME!

:: Fuku-san crys and pounts, running into his room::

" Hours Later" 

:: Beer cans are piled in Fuku-san's room::  
:: Fuku-san is thrown in his bed, is pants taken off, and shaking nervously:  
:: The girls scootches ontop of him and chuckles::

Fuku-san:(Nervously) I-I dont think t-this is a good I-IDEA!  
Girl: Yea it is! I WANT LOVE!  
Fuku-san: AHHHH MY EYES!  
Girl:(Flustered) W-WHAT!?

:: Fuku-san holds his eyes and runs into the bathroom::

Fuku-san:(To himself) Whooo...that was close.

:: A man waits on the toilet::

Man: Lets get it on!

:: Fuku-san and the man start making out:: 

:: Ryo-san is out in the pond with Nozomi::  
:: He claps twice and lights light up the pond::

Nozomi: OHHHH!! Your SOOOO romantic, Ryo-san!  
Ryo-san: I can be even more romantic in BED!  
Nozomi: OHHH! IM HORNY! TO THE BED IT IS!

:: Nozomi and Ryo-san run into the house and head for Ryo-san's room:: 

Nozomi: WAIT! I have to use the restroom!

:: Nozomi cant open it because it's locked so Ryo-san uses the Double Blow on the door, knocking it over, hitting the man in the head, and having his head fall on Fuku-san's lap on the toilet::

Fuku-san: ITS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS!  
Ryo-san: OH MY GOD!  
Fuku-san: I can explain!  
Ryo-san: GIVE ME YOUR PANTS NOZOMI!  
Nozomi: Why?   
Ryo-san: cause im gonna throw up in them!  
Fuku-san: ALRIGHT IM GAY DAMNIT!

:: Man turns around and its Goro::

Goro: HOWS IT GROOVIN' BRO!?!?  
Ryo-san: SO that explains why you've been actin' so fruitish!  
Goro:(Chuckling) Oh ya dont even know half of it!

:: Goro changes to his Gay Lisp::

Goro: Wassup digs!  
Ryo-san: OH MY GOD! That explains the GAY MAN on the phone this morning!  
Goro: I seeee yeev been doin' yir homewirk! 


	2. Episode 2: Poke'mue

Episode 2: S.I. 2

"Television Commercial" 

Woman: Do you wish you had a little MORE fantasy in YOUR life?  
Little Girl: Yes I do!  
Woman: I choose Poke'mon!

:: Little girls cheer::

Little Girls: Poke'mon is finally here! The best thing ever! C'mon Jigglypuff! Use your Singing   
Powers!...AMAZING! Poke'mon RULES!

Woman: Dont wait a day longer to witness the AMAZING POWERS of POKE'MON! They  
choose YOU!

"Hazuki Residence" 

Fuku-san: Ine-san...im going out. Theres a NEW game out called Poke'mon. Im going to  
go buy it.  
Ine-san: Be back before dark.

"One Hour Later" 

:: Fuku-san comes home and sneaks into his room with the Poke'mon game::  
:: He pops it into the Sega Saturn and begins to play::

Ine-san: FUKU-SAN! Dinner!

:: Ryo-san and Ine-san sit at the table patiently, waiting for Fuku-san::

Ine-san:(Frusterated) Go get that spoiled, ignorant boy! Ryo-san!  
Ryo-san:(Aggravated) Whatever...

:: Ryo-san walks into Fuku-sans room and spots him on his knees, worshiping the game::

Ryo-san: Hahahaha...Fuku-san, what on earth are you doing? Come to dinner, we're hungry.  
Fuku-san:(In a Zombie Tone) Poke'mon is my goooood!

"Days Later" 

:: Ryo-san walks into Fuku-sans room::  
Ryo-san: Fuku-san? Can I play Poke'mon- What the hell!?!?

:: Fuku-san was replacing ALL of his Virtua Fighter Posters with Poke'mon:: 

Fuku-san: I love Poke'mon! Poke'mon RULES!  
Ryo-san: Fuku-san! Have you gone mad!?!? You love Virtua Fighter!?!?

" Middle of that Day" 

:: Ryo-san walks into Fuku-san's room::

Ryo-san: I wanna play Poke'mon now!

:: Fuku-san is reading some strange magazine with nothign on the cover:: 

Ryo-san: What'cha readin'?  
Fuku-san: Ummm...n-nothing. Porno?  
Ryo-san: PORNO!  
Fuku-san: YEA!  
Ryo-san: Does it have naked girls in it, or guys?  
Fuku-san: Guys...  
Ryo-san: REALLY!?!? YES!

:: Ryo-san walks over to look at it:: 

Ryo-san: Pass the lotion...hey wait! Thats a picture of... 

:: It was a picture of Pikachu's Private Parts::

Fuku-san: I love Poke'mon PORNO!  
Ryo-san: YOU SICKO!

:: Ine-san walks into the Altar Room later on that day and sees that the whole room is filled with  
smoke,the room was pitch dark, the altar is filled with Poke'mon pictures, candles and orniments, and Fuku-san had shaven his  
head balled, bowing before the altar:: 

Ine-san: FUKU-SAN!?!? What have you done! Fix this place up immediately! And what  
happened to your hair!?!?  
Fuku-san: Pikachuuuuu made me... I hade NO choice.

"Yokosuka News Today" 

Man: Thanks Jim, our TOP story, Poke'mon has invaded Yokosuka suddenly turning all of the  
kids into Poke'mon freaks. NOW all they do is Poke'mon, all they think is Poke'mon! It's havoc.  
In another story, mysterious girls have been kidnapped from the streets of Dubuita...

" Hazuki Dojo" 

:: Fuku-san kneels down and holds a knife up to a young girl who is laying on the floor::  
:: Fuku-san stabs her and carves out her heart::  
:: He holds the heart high and crys...:: 

Fuku-san: MY FIRST SACRAFICE! For my God Pikachu!

:: Fuku-san throws the body in the basement::

"Yomagishi-san's House" 

:: Yomagishi-san stands there, trimming his bushes::

Yomagishi-san:(Fainted Whisper) This town is gong to hell. All because of that damn Poke'mon  
shit.

:: Suddenly a large rock hits him in the head, knocking him on the ground, and killing him::

Fuku-san: (Across the street) Damn! My Master Ball was useless! It must of been a dud! But it  
stunned him fairly well!

:: Fuku-san walks overtop of Yomagishi-san's Corspe, grabs the RED hat ontop of his head and turns it sideways:: 

Fuku-san: But luckily! I have my ULTRA BALL!

:: Fuku-san lifts up a large boulder and throws it down on Yomagishi-san, crushing his head::

Fuku-san: Why doesn't Scyther want to be captured!?!? Fine! If the Poke'mon wont get in the  
BALLS! I'll have to take force!

:: Fuku-san walks up to Magumi, holding her head and slamming a large rock against it:: 

Fuku-san: GET IN THE MASTER BALL! ONIX!

:: Magumi Dies::

Fuku-san: I DONT GET IT! Why do they keeping getting stunned!?!?

"Hospital "

Fuku-san: Let go of me! I dont need help!

:: Ine-san and Ryo-san lock Fuku-san by the arm, carrying him to see a doctor::

Ryo-san: Yes you do, Fuku-san. Poke'mon has warped your brain.  
Fuku-san: Let go of me! Tediursa! I dont need help!

:: Fuku-san lays on a bed in the Doctors Office::  
:: Fuku-san gives in, and gets bored:: 

Fuku-san:(Scared Whisper) Im ready to tell you my secret now. 

:: The doctor comes up to Fuku-san::

Doctor: Yes? 

:: Fuku-san holds the bed sheets above his mouth:: 

Fuku-san: (Whisper) I see Poke'mon. T-They want me to do things, awful things for them.  
Doctor: Listen to them then, and maybe they'll go away.

"Hazuki Residence" 

Ine-san: Are you ready to behave now? Fuku-san?  
Fuku-san: GOTTA CATCH POKE'MON!

:: Fuku-san flees out of the house:: 

Ryo-san: FUKU-SAN! COME BACK!

:: Fuku-san flees out of the house in slow motion, and while he does, a song plays...::   
SONG:

I want to be the very best, like knowone ever was! To catch them is my REAL TEST! To train  
them as my cause! I will travel across the land, searching far and wide. Each Poke'mon to  
understand, the POWER THATS INSIDE! Poke'mon! Gotta catch 'em all! 

Fuku-san: Come on kids! Lets go catch some Poke'mon!

:: A whole group of kids follow Fuku-san, cheering and running::

/////////////////////////// 

SONG:

You and me! (Swush) I know it's my destiny! Poke'mon! Oh your me best friend, in a WORLD  
WE MUST DEFEND! POKE'MON! GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL!

Fuku-san: DEFEND! 

:: Cops stop Fuku-san:: 

Cops: Whats goin' on here!?!?  
Fuku-san: WE'RE GONNA GO CATCH POKE'MON! DONPHAN and MILTANK!

:: Cops lower their weapons::

Cops: We love Poke'mon!  
Fuku-san: THEN JOIN US!  
SONG:

SO true! Out of courage will pull us through! You teach me, and I'll teach you! Poke'mon!  
GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL!  
/////////////////////////// 

:: Fuku-san comes home late at night::

"NEWS" 

Man: This just in... Old Yokosuka citizens are rebelling against the kids of Yokosuka! Sayigng that the kids think their: Chansey and Pikachu! This is absurd! And I do have good news...  
News Anchor: Geico?  
Man: No! I just bought the Poke'mon VIDEO GAME! IT RULES! Jimmy, you take over. IM GONNA GO PLAY SOME POKE'MON! WHAAA HOOOO!!!!  
News Anchor: Anyways...let's go out in the field with Towle-san and jiomois-san.

:: The two reporters and standing near a huge rock fight::

Twole-san: Yes! Hello Jimmy! We can barely here you! As you can see behind me, the kids and teens of Yokosuka are hurling rocks at the senior citizens thinking that their Poke'balls! And that the citizens are POKe'MON! AHH HELP!

:: The camera shuts off::  
"Hazuki Residence" 

:: Fuku-san arrives home::

Fuku-san: Im home, Onix!

:: Ine-san greets him with Ryo-san::

Ryo-san: Hey Fuku-san! Guess what!  
Fuku-san:(A loud, repulsive voice) IM NOT FUKU-SAN! Im Pika-san!  
Ryo-san: RIIIIGHT...anywhoo. I got this AWSOME game called Dijimon! Wanna play with me? Its totally rocks! It's better than Poke'mon in every way, shape, and form!

:: Fuku-san plays and hour of Dijimon::

Ryo-san: There Fuku-san? A lot better than Poke'mon! Eh?  
Fuku-san: Your right...DIJIMON RULES! My ultimate GOD NOW IS GREYMON! Dijimon, digital monsters, Digimon are the CHAMPIONS!  
Ryo-san: NOOOO!!!!!


	3. Episode 3: Fukusan's Mistake

Episode 3: S.I. 2

"Ryo's Room" 

:: Ryo has just bought his NEW laptop and is chatting with Nozomi on AIM::  
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////   
Screenames:

1.) FatherAvenger014 Ryo Hazuki.

2.) CanadianDiva21 Nozomi.   
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// 

FatherAvenger014: What's up?  
CanadianDiva21: nothin much... just finished eating.  
FatherAvenger014: So how's Canada?   
CanadianDiva21: pretty cool, hey! wanna cyber.  
FatherAvenger014: NOW!?!?  
CanadianDiva21: Uhhh...

:: Ryo stares at the clock::

FatherAvenger014: I can for like five minutes cause I gotta go watch "Sailor Moon" on TV!  
CanadianDiva21: cool. oh ryo! Im soooooooo horny!

:: Ryo unzips his pants:: 

FatherAvenger014: Oh me too.

:: Ryo begins to jack off::  
:: Ine-san walks in to dust::  
:: She spots Ryo jacking off::

Ine-san: OH MY GOD RYO!

:: Ryo is startled and zips up his pants, catching his left testicle in the zipper:: 

Ryo-san: MOTHER FUCKER!

"Outside of Fuku-san's Room" 

:: Ryo stands outside, preparing for the worst::  
:: He takes a blindfold out of his pocket and wraps it around his head, shielding his eyes::

Ryo-san: Fuku-san, im coming in! Hide any of those vibrators or "Playgirl" magazines cause I don't wanna see 'em!

:: Ryo walks in, searching for the remote::  
:: He hears Fuku moaning::

Ryo-san: Fuku-san, whatever your doing in here, I don't wanna know. I just want the remote. I wanna watch "Young and the Restless" the BEST Soap Opera on Television!

:: Fuku begins to sweat perfusely, soon realizing that the remote that Ryo demands is shoved up his ass::

Fuku-san: Uhhhh...ohhhh (Silently) Oh shit...

:: Fuku begins to frantically search for the Anal Lubricant::  
:: Ryo spots Fuku's Tv Channels constantly changing::   
:: Fuku spreads it all over his ass crack, pulling it out just a little, enough for grip::

Fuku-san: Hey Ryo! Wanna make Ten Dollars!?!?  
Ryo-san: Sure, why not?

:: Fuku opens his drawer and takes out a box labeled, "Fuku-san's Furby and Ankle Bracelet Collection", grabbing the Ten Dollars::

Fuku-san: Let's play Tug of War! If ya win, I will give you the Ten Bucks!   
Ryo-san: What are you trying to pull!?!?  
Fuku-san: Hopefully the remote!  
Ryo-san: HUH!??!  
Fuku-san: Nothing. I'll guide you.

:: Fuku walks with a smile on his face as he bends over to Ryo::

Fuku-san: Now since ya can't see, this'll be kinda tough so just reach a little to the front and a little down.   
Ryo-san: Is this that DICK PRANK you pulled on me!?!?!?   
Fuku-san:(Chuckling) SLightly different, hehehehe!

:: Ryo pulls::

Ryo-san: MAN FUKU! Your good::

:: Fuku moans with pleasure, realizing that as long as Ryo has the blindfold on, he can have as much fun as he wants!::

Ryo-san: Man, Fuku-san! Have you been working out!?!?

Fuku-san:(Squealing) Guess you can say that... (Cheesy smile)

:: Ine-san strolls by the doorway, vaccuming the floor::  
:: She glances in, upon hearing intense moaning and giggling, and spots Ryo standing behind Fuku, blindfolded, pulling a remote out of Fuku's bare ass::

Ine-san: OH MY GOD!!!!!!! RYO!!!!! What are you doing to MY SON FUKU-SAN!?!?!?!? AND FUKU-SAN! IM ASHAMED OF YOU!

:: Ryo realizes that the image that Ine-san spots is might NOT be that pleasant::

Ryo-san: Hold on...

:: Ryo takes off blindfold::

Ryo-san: WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!(Turns towards Ine-san) IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE! I SWEAR!

:: Ine-san has Cardiac Arrest and faints::

"Dobuita" 

:: Fuku spots a poor man on the side of the road::  
:: Fuku walks up to the man, getting a boner::

Fuku-san: Hey, I hear you have that awsome cream that tastes just like vanilla.  
Poor Man: Of course! ONLY 300 YEN for one, small bottle  
Fuku-san:(Thinks of ORAL) I'll take it!

:: Fuku runs home as fast as lightning:: 

"Hospital" 

:: Fuku lays in the Operation Bed::

Doctor: Uhhhh... s-so, why do you want your ribcage removed again?  
Fuku-san: I already told you, silly goose. 

:: Fuku whispers in doctors eye::

Doctor: (Shockingly) Oh my! Interesting. Never been done before but; are you sure?

"Fuku-san's Room" 

:: Fuku pops in a "Playgirl" Videotape in the VCR in his room and sits on his bed::  
:: Fuku bends his legs to rest on his shoulders::  
:: He bends down::  
:: He begins sucking on his own dick::

Fuku-san: THAT RIBCAGE REMOVAL OPERATION is fucking awsome!

:: Fuku pours the tasty cream over his dick::   
:: He starts to lick it off, placing his whole mouth over his penis::  
:: Soon, his mouth is stuck over his dick and begins choking, soon realizing that it was Industrial Super Glue that the man sold him, NOT tasty cream::  
:: Ine-san and Ryo knock on the door::

Both of them: Fuku-san, hide any of the anal shoving objects NOW! We're coming in! Ok!?

:: Fuku trys to talk, but they cannot make out his words::  
:: They walk in and spot Fuku's mouth stuck to his dick::

Ryo-san: HOLY HELL!

:: Ine-san faints::

Fuku-san: (Mumbling) I-It's stuck! It's Super Glue!  
Ryo-san:(Taking a deep breath) Ok, stay calm, let's see here...

:: Fuku starts to choke on his hard penis, realizing he has to make it soft some how::  
:: Ryo pops in a Playboy Tape, making Fuku soft again::  
:: Fuku soon spots Ryo's ass as he bends over to turn off the tape, getting hard again::  
:: Fuku begins to choke again::

Fuku-san: Didn't work...

:: Ryo thinks and soon smiles mischieviously::  
:: Ryo begins rolling Fuku down the hallway::

Ryo-san: I will never be right again. 

:: Ryo rolls Fuku out in the yard::

Ryo-san: Wait right here. I'll get'ya fixed up in NO TIME buddy!  
Fuku-san: Thank's Ryo! You've always been my BESTEST ASS BUDDY!

:: After about ten minutes, Ryo walks back::

Ryo-san: Ok! I retreived something perfect for removing you!  
Fuku-san: OH GOOD! What?

:: Ryo yanks the chain on a chainsaw::

Fuku-san: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

:: Fuku frantically trys to roll himself across the yard::  
:: Ryo chases him, laughing deviously, and holding the smoking chainsaw hide::

Ryo-san: IT WON'T HURT A BIT! JUST STAY STILL!  
Fuku-san: NEVEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRR!!!!!! 

:: Ryo holds Fuku with his foot and saws right across his dick::

Fuku-san: GGGGGGGOODDDDDDDAMNIT!

:: The penis part in Fuku's mouth was spit out by him::  
:: Fuku bled perfusely::  
:: Ryo wraps a towel around the wound and calls the police:: 


	4. Episode 4: The Hazuki Song Festival!

"Hazuki Residence" 

Ine-san: Fuku-san, it's time for you to go on a DIET.   
Fuku-san: WHAT!?!?! What's wrong with my weight!?!?

:: Ryo walks into the kitchen::

Ryo-san: Ine-san. the scale broke again.  
Ine-san: GODDAMNIT FUKU-SAN!

"Nighttime" 

:: Fuku-san sneaks out of his room, late late at night and heads for the kitchen sneakily::

Fuku-san: (Silently) Hehehehe... no ones gonna catch me!

:: Fuku suddenly steps on a mysterious squishy thing on the floor, right in front of the refrigerator::

Mysterious Person: ARGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!   
Fuku-san: What the heck!?!?

:: Ine-san unwraps herself from a black sleeping bag::

Ine-san: FUKU-SAN!!!!!!!!   
Fuku-san: OH SHIT! Ine-san?

:: Fuku runs out of the house crying::

Fuku-san begins to sing:   
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// 

1.) Why does my life have to be this way!?!?  
2.) Living in torture ever single day!  
3.) This will probably last until im old and gray...  
4.) But at least im stiiiiiiiiiiiiilll gaaaaaaaaaaaay!   
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////   
CHORUS:

1.) That's RIGHT IM GAY,  
2.) and I want the WORLD TO KNOW IT!

:: Fuku-san humps an old man::

3.) AND IM NOT AFRAID TO SHOW IT!  
4.) Everyone in YOKOSUKA can kiss my ass!  
5.) Cause I skipped class in High School just to be fucked up the ASS!   
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// 

1.) Why did Bhudda have to give me this life!?!?  
2.) Would he rather prefer me to be a filthy dike?  
3.) Well that's NOT what I chose in LIFE!  
4.) Maybe I should just go and believe in Jesus Christ!  
5.) That might maybe change my life!  
5.) Cause I like leather panties and I like 'em TIGHT!   
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////   
END OF SONG   
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// 

"Hazuki Family Room" 

:: Ryo sneaks onto Fuku-san's AIM SCREENAME just to have fun and play around with his name::  
:: Ryo signed on as "LikingIThard":: 

"FUKU-SAN'S BUDDIES" 

1.) Dukeyuper25  
2.) Slippywhippy69  
3.) Leather4Life21  
4.) EroticBeliefs  
5.) TransGirlRobotic  
6.) IfavorLove18

:: EroticBeliefs IMed Ryo::

EroticBeliefs: hey babe i really enjoyed last night!  
LikingIThard: Are you a guy or a girl?   
EroticBeliefs: i know its hard 2 tell baby. ill just pick one my fukie wukie! since it really dont matter cause im kinda two male and one female.  
LikingIThard: Really!?!? Dude...  
EroticBeliefs: hope that dont change the passionate sex we had last night?   
LikingIThard: WHAT!?! Sex? REALLY!?!?  
EroticBeliefs: yea! u didn't know where to slip it in, remember? my 4th asshole is like-   
LikingIThard: OH NO! That's OK! I remember!  
EroticBeliefs: ya know my fukie wukie, ya sound kinda different today. is it from the herpees i gave ya last night?

:: Fuku-san peaks in and spots Ryo on his Screename::  
:: He calls Emow-san( EroticBeliefs) and tells her that Ryo is chatting with her::

EroticBeliefs: hey fuku-san, im at your door!  
LikingIThard: WHAT!?!? No please, I got chores to do!  
EroticBeliefs: chores? more important than me!?!? I WANNA FUCK!

:: Ryo runs into Fuku's room:: 

Ryo-san: IM SORRY FUKU-SAN! I GOT ON YOUR NAME! YOUR GIRLS OUTSIDE! IM SOOOOOOOOOORRRRYYY!!

:: Fuku laughs::

Fuku-san: WE WERE PLAYING WITH YOU RYO-SAN! I TOLD HER YOU WERE CHATTING WITH HER! HAHAHAHAH!!!  
Ryo-san: FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU ALL!!!!

:: Ryo runs in his room and begins to cry::

Ryo sings:   
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// 

1.) Why is everybody always picking on me!?!?  
2.) Im the only normal person, can't you see?  
3.) Fuku-san can fuck himself!   
4.) Instead of living with him, I'd rather burn in hell!   
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////   
CHORUS:

:: Ryo runs into the kitchen and bashes Fuku's head in with a frying pan::

1.) HEY THERE Mr. FUKU! Welcome to my WORLD!  
2.) IM GONNA BASH YOU SENSLESSLY UNTIL YOU HURL!!!!   
3.) IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, IM A PRETTY FUCKED UP GUY!  
4.) SO GO FUCK YOURSELF, SHOVE INE-SAN UP YOUR ASS AND DIE!   
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// 

1.) I try to control myself, I really really do.  
2.) But everytime I try to,  
3.) I litterally go insane!  
4.) Everyone around me thinks it's a little game!  
5.) Well, Ine-san will soon see me go INSANE!!!!!   
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////   
CHORUS:

:: Ryo runs up to Ine-san and shoves her face in a burning stove::

1.) HEY THERE INE-SAN! HOW DOES IT FUCKING FEEL!?!?  
2.) IM GONNA FRY YOUR ASS UNTIL YOUR FACE BURNS AND PEELS!  
3.) IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, YOUR A DIRTY LITTLE SLUT!   
4.) SO GO FUCK FUKU-SAN AND GROW YOURSELF SOME NUTS!   
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// 

1.) As you can tell already, im a fairly violant gay.  
2.) I just wish everybody in the world would simply die.  
3.) But that won't ever happen because im such a very infortunate guy.  
4.) And everything about loving Nozomi was just ONE BIG LIE!   
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////   
CHORUS:

:: Ryo goes to Canada and slaps the hell out of Nozomi::

1.) HEY THERE MRS. NOZOMI! YOU STUPID CANADIAN BITCH!  
2.) IM GONNA MURDER YOU AND HID YOUR DECREPET BODY IN A DITCH!  
3.) IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, I NEVER LIKED YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE!  
4.) SO GO FUCK WHOEVER YOUR FUCKING AND GET STD'S YOU FUCKING DISCRACE!   
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////   
END OF SONG   
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////   
:: Ine-san listens in at Ryo's door::  
:: She gets depressed over what Ryo sang about and begins to sing::

Ine-san sings:   
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// 

1.) What did I do to make Ryo so MAD?  
2.) After ALL I've done for him, he should be glad!  
3.) Maybe he just misses his dad?  
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////   
Ryo sings:   
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// 

1.) Ine-san don't worry, it's not really you.  
2.) It's the people at night you bring home to screw.  
3.) I wish you would just lay off the drugs.  
4.) So you'd stop walking around the house naked and wrapped in a rug!   
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////   
Fuku sings:   
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// 

1.) Ya know what guys? It's ALL my fault!  
2.) None of this would be happening if it weren't for me!  
3.) I think I'll just launch myself into a ring of fire from a catapolt!  
4.) Then that'll fill everyone with GLEE!   
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// 

Ine-san: DONT BE SILLY FUKU-SAN!  
Ryo-san: WE WANT YOU AROUND TIL' THE END OF TIME!  
Fuku-san: THAT'S A LIE!  
Ine-san: OH MY!  
Ryo-san: Fuku-san, we all know your gay instead of BI!   
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////   
EVERYONE SINGS TOGETHER:

1.) We're the HAZUKI FAMILY! YES WE ARE!  
2.) WE MIGHT SEEM AT TIMES A LITTLE BIZARRE!  
3.) We have a hoe, a fag, and an innocent young man.  
4.) And who cares if Fuku-san's RICHARD SIMMONS BIGGEST FAN!  
5.) Ine-san's a prostitute, yes she is the SHIZNIT!  
6.) She's fucked enough guys to put Hugh Heffner out of BUISNESS!  
7.) AND POOR RYO IS CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF EVERYTHING!  
8.) He's depressed all the time because of his 3.5 pencil thick ding- a- ling!  
9.) AND THAT'S THE HAZUKI FAMILY! 


	5. Episode 5: Ryosan's Purpose

Episode 5: S.I. 2

"Hazuki Residence" 

:: Ryo walks into the smoke filled bathroom, only to find Fuku taking a pleasant shower::

Ryo-san: Fuku-san. I don't wanna see anything I just want a bar of soap. can you hand me a bar?   
Fuku-san: (Frantic Whispers)  
Ryo-san: Fuku-san? What are you doing?  
Fuku-san: Uh, n-nothing Ryo... STOP IT! CAN'T YOU SEE IM TALKING!  
Ryo-san: OK! Fuku-san, THAT'S ENOUGH! Enough acting and guessing! If the BAR OF SOAP is shoved up your ass or something JUST TELL ME! I won't be mad.  
Mysterious Man: HEY! IM AT THE CREME FILLING!  
Ryo-san: What the hell? W-Who's in there, Fuku-san?   
Fuku-san: Uhhhh... n-no one! Im just ahhh... t-talking to my dick!  
Ryo-san: YOUR DICK!?!?  
Fuku-san: Doesn't wanna cooperate! Ya know dicks? When they curl and get all clammy and shit. Then it fuzzes and-  
Ryo-san: OK FUKU-SAN! Hand me the SOAP, NOW! There's nothing that your doing behind that curtain that won't suprise me.

" Five Minutes Later" 

Ryo-san: OH MY GOD!!!!!

:: Ine-san flees into the bathroom with a skillet::

Ine-san: IM TELLING YOU! IM ARMED!... HOLY SHIT!

:: Fuku was getting his dick sucked by a mysterious man with pink hair::  
:: Fuku crys:: 

Fuku-san: I TOLD YOU RYO! NOW LOOK WHAt'YA DID!!! WAAAHHHH!!!   
Ine-san: Fuku-san, GET OUT!

:: Man hugs Fuku::

Man: Can I take him?  
Ine-san: NO YOU GAY FAG! Fuku-san! OUT NOW!

" Ryo's Room" 

Ryo-san: FINALLY! MY NEW LAPTOP IS HERE! Now I don't have to use Fuku-san's all the damn time!

:: Ryo gets on the internet and finds "ShenmueDojo"::

Ryo-san: What the hell? HEY! There's a picture of me! BOY! Im sexy as EVER! Damn... look at Fuku-san... hahahahaha! And Ine-san! Boy she was a young little bitch, HAHAHAHA!... huh? What's this topic?... Ryo's GAY!

TOPIC: IS RYO REALLY A FAG::POLL::

Ryo-san: NO IM NOT A FAG! What are these stalkers trying to pull!?!?

:: Ryo clicks "NO" on the POLL::

POLL RESULTS: 20 PERCENT: NO... 80 PERCENT: YES.

Ryo-san: WHAT THE HELL!?!? WHAT DOES EVERYONE HAVE AGAINST ME!?!? IM NOOOOOOOOOOOOTTT GAY! And what's this? Shenmue is the name of my life!?!? What the FUCK IS SHENMUE!?!?

:: Ryo goes to the library::

Ryo-san: OK OK! Shenmue... Shenmue? SHENMUE... SHENMUE!!!!! Where is it!?!?

:: Ryo scatters twenty different books on the table about: Cultures, Video Games, etc.::

Ryo-san: NO SHENMUE! Im going to find out what the fuck that damn word means even if the damn library catches on FIRE!

:: The library catches on fire:: 

Ryo-san: Shit...

" The Tomato Convenience Store" 

Ryo-san: I'd like this bottle of milk please.   
Lady: Sure! Draw a Raffle Ticket!

:: Ryo draws:: 

Ryo-san: DAMN! I lost!  
Lady: AWWWWW! TOO BAD!

:: Ryo thinks and figures something out::  
:: Ryo buys another bottle of milk::

Lady: SURE! Draw a Raffle Ticket!

:: Ryo lost::  
:: He purchased milk again::

Lady: SURE! Draw a Raffle Ticket!

:: Ryo figured it out!::

Ryo-san: Ummmm... excuse me? Why do you keep saying "Sure! Draw a Raffle Ticket!"!?!?  
Lady: Cause! I was commanded to do so.   
Ryo-san: AH HAH! That's it! Tell me Lady, why were you commanded?   
Lady: CAUSE? The creator made me.

:: Ryo grabs her by the shirt::

Ryo-san: WHAT CREATOR!?!?!?  
Lady: HE wouldn't tell me his name! GET OFF ME! HELP! RAPE!!!!!!!!

:: Ryo flees out, avoiding the cops::

" Hazuki Residence" 

Ryo-san: I CAN'T BELIEVE MY LIFE IS BEING CONTROLLED!

:: Ryo walks into Fuku's room, spotting something he didn't intend on seeing::  
:: A big light approaches Ryo from the top::

" A Big, Circular Room" 

:: Ryo was flashed into a room that went around in circles, surrounded by moniters, and very white:: 

Ryo-san: Where am I?

:: Ryo sensed fear... death... he got hard. Don't ask me why, it just happened::  
:: A man sitting in a chair in the middle of the room turned around, dressed in all white::  
:: IT WAS YU SUZUKI!::

Yu: Hello Ryo. I've been expected you. Im Yu Suzuki.  
Ryo-san: Yeah? And...?

:: A door opens from behind::  
:: A man sticks his head through::

Man: Yu? Your Anal Inspection starts now!   
Yu:(Turning red) DON'T YOU SEE IM WITH A CLIENT!?!?!? Tell Michael Jackson to reschedule it!  
Man: HE CAN'T! He said he was meeting a group of kids around 5:00 P.M.!  
Yu: GO NOW!  
Man: OK... ok! Don't get mad...

:: Man leaves::

Yu: As I was saying... oh yes! Listen Ryo: this here, is the outside world.   
Ryo-san: The O-Outside World?  
Yu: Yes, and guess whom im the creator of!  
Ryo-san: Ohhhh ummmm... that's a toughie! OH! I KNOW!   
Yu: What?  
Ryo-san: INUYASHA ON ADULT SWIM! GOD PLEASE SAY YOU ARE! Cause if you are I-  
Yu: NO YOU IGNORANT BASTARD! Did you say that cause' your dumb or are you just trying to annoy me!?

:: Ryo is dumbfounded::

Ryo-san: I u-u-um... gee I- I- u-ummm...   
Yu: Im just fuckin' wid' ya! HAHAHAH!!

:: Ryo plays along and laughs, even though he didn't find it funny at all::

Yu: I AM THE CREATOR OF YOUR LIFE RYO: SHENMUE!  
Ryo-san: REALLY!? 

:: Yu's phone rings::

Yu: Just a minute!

:: Yu answers::

Yu: Hello?... WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT!?!?! NO I DON'T HAVE IT! YES! He's right here! YES I KNOW ABOUT TONIGHT! I DIDN'T FORGET! I promise to take you to that Prostitute Club after im DONE! OK! BYE!... god what a slut, OH! Sorry... so, where were we? Oh yes! Shenmue, right!?!?  
Ryo-san: Uhhh... s-sure, why not?  
Yu: Yes Ryo, I created you...

:: Yu farts::

Yu: Sorry... (Laughs) gotta let one loose sometime! Ya know it's a fact! Holding in farts can cause serious problems in your stomach and bladder. Anywho! Your whole life is a little play Ryo! I created you and that's all there is to know! Now... ya wanna know what Shenmue is... right!??!  
Ryo-san: YES! PLEASE! IM DYING TO KNOW!  
Yu: Let me show you...

:: Yu lifts up a remote and points it towards the monitors::  
:: He presses a button and on comes The Playboy Channel::

Yu: DAMN! I forgot to change it from LAST NIGHT! Sorry bout that... this is what I meant to show. Before I show ya what Shenmue is... I want ya to know the RATING of your life:

Ryo-san: That rating?  
Yu: Your life is rated: M for Mature. It would of been T for Teen but Fuku-san was added into the picture. He's a mistake by the way. Fuku-san wasn't meant to be in your life. Some gay fag snuck into the company late at night and added him in there! Probably ruined yals life too, eh?  
Ryo-san: TELL ME ABOUT IT!  
Yu: Ok, here's what Shenmue is...

:: Yu shows a big tree::

Yu: THAT'S YOUR LIFE! GOODBYE!

:: Ryo is warped back into his house::   
:: Ryo finds himself on the floor in front of Fuku's room. Fuku was pissing on him::

Ryo-san: FUKU-SAN! WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL!?!?  
Fuku-san: WHAT DID I DO!?!? YOU PASSED OUT IN FRONT OF MY ROOM CAUSE YOU CAUGHT ME SHOVING A FLEET ENEMA UP MY ASS!!!!   
Ryo-san: WHERE'S YU!?!?  
Ine-san: WHO'S YU!?!?  
Ryo-san: IT WAS- was it ALL a dream? IT COULDN'T OF BEEN! But maybe it was?   
Fuku-san: MAKE UP YOUR MIND YA BIG GOOFBALL! Hehehehe... silly willy!  
Ryo-san: WAIT A MINUTE! Yu said my life was named after a tree? BUT WHY!?!?!? WHY IS MY LIFE NAMED AFTER A TREE!?!?  
Fuku-san: Yeah? So?  
Ryo-san: Doesn't bother you Fuku-san, you have sex with them for crying out loud! But for us "NORMAL" people it does! Guess it was a dream...  
Fuku-san: SEE INE-SAN! THAT'S WHAT I MEAN! HE PICKS ON ME!!! WAAAAHHHH!!!

:: Fuku crys and runs in his room:: 


	6. Episode 6: Father, where art thou?

Episode 6: S.I. 2

"Yokosuka INN" YEAR: 1961 

:: The fireplace runs warm::  
:: A man runs into the room, tossing off his Trench Coat after being drenched in a storm::  
:: A man greets him and begins making out with him::  
:: Man pulls him away::

Man: STOP IT! I don't know if this is right.  
Other Man: Of course this is right! They legalized this shit!  
Man: Who says!?!?  
Other Man: The law!  
Man: I never heard about this!  
Other Man: Well, maybe you need to watch MORE T.V.!  
Man: ...  
Other Man: Ya know what, im sorry Billy.

:: Billy crys::

Other Man: Oh c'mon Billy! Don't do that, I said I was sorry!

:: Man touches Billy balls::

Other Man: C'mon Billy, let's make love. Like old times.  
Billy: (Sniffling) O-Oh... ok!

"Hazuki Residence" 

Fuku-san: Ine-san? Do you know where my father is?  
Ine-san: Oh Fuku-san! Why must you know? And why so ergant!?  
Fuku-san: Well, as the years went by, I seem to become more and more curious about where my dad came from, who he is, and why im so gay.  
Ine-san: Ohhhhh, interesting...  
Fuku-san: AND I really NEED to know, Ine-san! Please, im begging you, tell me!   
Ine-san: You father died, Fuku-san. A long long time ago.   
Fuku-san: H-H-He died!? How!?!?  
Ine-san: It seemed that he was grocery shopping when a aisle of Tomato Cans colasped on him. What a shame.  
Fuku-san: Damn... how did you and dad meet?   
Ine-san: (Smiling) Oh my! It was about thirty years ago, about 5 years before you came upon this earth Fuku-san. He was a Washington Redskins Football player and I was a cheerleader!  
Fuku-san: Y-You were once a cheerleader?  
Ine-san: Yes, but that was before I got a 3rd degree burn on my face and turned as ugly as the Swamp Thing! But that's all behind me now. I really enjoyed giving for father head too, and sucking on his rubber ducky! But, now you know Fuku-san. But don't tell a soul! All of this is in the past, no need to go prancing around about it now, ok?  
Fuku-san: Sure, Ine-san.

"Kitchen" 

Fuku-san: DAAAAAAMNNIT!!!! I wanna know who my father IS!?!? Where is he!?!? Who is he!?!?!!?

:: Fuku-san takes out plates and tosses them on the ground::

Fuku-san: WHY WON'T INE-SAN TELL ME!?!? GODDAMNIT!!!

:: Fuku-san knocks the refrigerator over and it calospes into the ground::

Fuku-san: HOLY SHIT!!!!

:: A ladder was revieled under the ground::  
:: Fuku-san starred at it shockingly, then curiously begun climbing down::

Fuku-san: Wonder where this leads?

:: Fuku-san walked down a long hallway, filled with Spider Webs::  
:: He came across a room, filled with boxes::  
:: Fuku-san found a box labeled "Iwao's Suff"::  
:: He opened it and came across five 1970's eddition's of playboy, a yo-yo, a vibrator, mysterious bags of white powder, some old grass, and a picture of elvis in a thong::

Fuku-san: God Iwao, you were a freak. And Ine-san wouldn't believe me either!

:: Fuku-san then found a box labeled "Billy's Stuff"::

Fuku-san: Who's Billy? 

:: Fuku-san opened it and found a letter mentioning he and his father::

Fuku-san: WHOA! This guy named Billy must be my father!? But why would Ine-san keep it hidden down here!?

:: Fuku-san reads the letters and it talks about Yokosuka Hospital, where Fuku-san was born::

Fuku-san: Maybe someone at Yokosuka Hospital knows something about my father, Billy!

"Yokosuka Hospital" 

Lady at Counter: Hello, how may I help you?  
Fuku-san: Hello, I was born here in 1962 and I need to talk to the doctor who helped my mom, Ine-san, give birth to me. My names Fuku-san.

"Small Room in the hospital" 

:: Fuku-san walks in a finds a doctor::

Fuku-san: The lady at the counter led me to you. She said you are Dr. Abes friend? Where is Dr. Abe? He helped my mother, Ine-san, give birth to me.  
Doctor: Sorry, young man. it appears Dr. Abe went into shock upon helping your mom give birth. I didn't see it, but those who did lost their voices...  
Fuku-san: Weird...  
Doctor: But I do recall your fathers account when he checked in here. I can look up his address for you. If your looking for him?  
Fuku-san: YES, PLEASE! Thank you very much!

"Billy's House" 

:: Fuku-san takes a deep breath and knocks on the door::  
:: A man in tight leather pants and a bra on answered the door::

Man: May I help you?  
Fuku-san: PLEASE TELL ME YOUR BILLY!  
Man: Why yes I am. And who are you?

:: Fuku-san lunges in for a hug::  
:: Being that Fuku was also a freak, the tight leather pants and a bra didn't disturb him at all!::

Fuku-san: I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!!  
Billy: Are you that brawny guy Semito-san who's spose to give me head at 12:00?  
Fuku-san: NO SILLY! Guess who I am!

:: Fuku-san acts like a baby::

Billy: My eighth boyfriend? The one that poured baby powder over my nuts when he sucked them?   
Fuku-san:(Chuckling) NO MAN! I am your SON!  
Billy: Which one?   
Fuku-san: What do ya mean which one!? You only had one!?!? Please tell me you only had one.  
Billy: Sorry, I had several. Please, come in.

"Inside" 

:: Fuku-san sits down with Billy::

Billy: What's your name?  
Fuku-san: Fuku-san! I can't believe ya don't remember me!  
Billy: I never said that. I just wanted to know which person you were. Just so I could decipher you easier. Ya know what I mean?  
Fuku-san: Uhhhh... n-not really, hehehe.

:: A preganant man walks out of a room behind Billy::

Billy: Hey! Jessie! I told you to stay in there!  
Jessie: But im about to give birth! C'mon Billy! Show some desency!  
Fuku-san:(Eye's widened) W-What's going on here!? Are you preganant!?!? YOUR A GUY!  
Billy: Now you know how I had you, Fuku-san... my baby boy!  
Fuku-san: WHAT!?!? OH HELL NAW!  
Billy: It's a long story, son... but I'll tell ya it. 

"Hospital" 

:: The doctors roll Preganant Billy in the hospital::  
:: He begins to give birth::   
:: Dr. Abe walks in::

Abe: Ok, what do we got here? OH MY GOD! Is that a preganant man!?!/  
Nurse: Yes DOCTOR! He seems to have FEMALE REPRODUCTIVE GLANES! Hurry Dr, we dont have much time!   
Billy: IT'S COMING! AHHHH!!!!  
Abe:(Confused) How's it gonna come out?!? OH MY GOD!!!!  
Nurse: I HAVE AN IDEA!

:: They flip Billy over::

Nurse: HERE IT COMES!

:: The baby shoots out of Billy's ass::  
:: Dr. Abe goes into shock and later dies. The nurses went into shock and lost their voices over the site::

"Billy's House" 

Billy: And that's the story. Fascinating! isn't it?  
Fuku-san: So that explains how Dr. Abe went into shock and died!  
Billy: I have lots of flabby skin from all my preganacies!

:: Billy reveiles a load of skin which hung down to his nuts::

Fuku-san: OH MY GOD! STOP! STOP!  
Billy: You must be gay, Fuku-san!  
Fuku-san: WHY!?!?  
Billy: I was fucked up the ass, then became preganant. You have NO FEMALE GENES in you to became a straight man. Your gay, aren't you!?  
Fuku-san: THAT EXPLAINS WHY IM GAY! Well... I do fantasize about women sometimes!  
Billy: I don't believe it!

:: Billy unzips his pants::  
:: Fuku-san stares, drooling::

Billy: See! Your ALL gay!  
Fuku-san: DAMNIT! Your right! So, guess im always gonna be gay, eh?  
Billy: Yup. It's your fate...  
Fuku-san: Well who's Ine-san? She's not my mother.  
Billy: Oh she's just some hooker, that lived in a box, I picked up on the street and said ' if you play mom, I'll give ya a house and a family'. And she agreed.  
Fuku-san: Ohhhhh... well, I gotta go. Thanks for your- oh wait! Who's my other dad!?!

:: The preganant man waves from behind::

Man: ME!

"Hazuki Residence" 

Ine-san: Well, Ryo, since Fuku-san told you the story and I never really got preganant after all, and since we're knowhere near related, I was wondering if me and you could, you know?

:: Ine-san smiles::

Ryo-san: OH NO! OOOHHHH NNNOOOO!!!!

:: Ine-san chases after Ryo::

Ine-san: OH COME ON RYO! I WANNA FUCK!!!!  
Ryo-san: Get away from me you freak! HELP! RAPE!!!!!!! SOMEONE!!!!

:: Ine-san tackles Ryo::  
:: She starts pulling off his pants::  
:: Ryo kicks::  
:: Ine-san slaps his ass::

Ine-san: C'mon! My little Ryo! Fuck me!  
Ryo-san: RAPE!!!!!! MOLESTATION!!!!!!! ATEMPTED MURDER!!!! Someone HELP!!!!!!! 


	7. Episode 7: The Magic Potion

Episode 7: S.I. 2

"Hazuki Residence" 

:: Fuku walks into the house, greeting Ryo while he was on the phone::  
:: Ryo was using his NEW cellphone::

Fuku-san: HEY! Who got you a cellphone?!  
Ryo-san: Hold on Nozomi, goddamnit Fuku-san! Can't you see im trying to get layed tonight! Unfortunately you wouldn't know about that, unless it was a dude. Now excuse me! 

:: Ryo uncovers the bottom of the phone, and begins talking again::  
:: Fuku lays down the box of items that he collected on his trip to Africa::  
:: Fuku took out a bag of "African Redhairs", a popular weed substance in Africa::  
:: Ryo says good-bye to Nozomi upon seeing the WEED::

Ryo-san: Where did you get that stuff?!?!?  
Fuku-san:(Whiny-bitchy tone) IM NOT TELLING YOU! YOU WERE MEAN TO ME!  
Ryo-san:(Having NO sympathy) FINE BITCH!

:: Fuku takes out a picture of a black man pulling a truck with his dick, an African Lubricated Dildo, and some shimmering utensils::

Ryo-san: Boy Fuku-san, your loaded.   
Fuku-san: And too bad you aint gettin' any of this stuff. Im gonna use it to decorate my room...

:: Fuku takes out a bottle full of glimmering, red liquid::

Ryo-san: What's that stuff?  
Fuku-san: I'm NOT really sure, tell you the truth. This dude gave it to me that I met on this trail towards the African Desert. He said it would bring me GOOD FORTUNE.

:: Ryo snatches it::

Ryo-san: Think it's drinkable?   
Fuku-san:(Trying not to chuckle) T-Try... hehehe.  
Ryo-san: This shit aint poison! Is it?!?!  
Fuku-san: Oh no! NOT AT ALL! I wouldn't do that to you Ryo-san...  
Ryo-san: Yeah fucking right! If you could you'd kill me and Ine-san and make this house into your own Male Whore House!  
Fuku-san: HEY! That's a good idea!

:: Fuku snatches the bottle back::

Fuku-san: Hey! It's worth a try!

:: Fuku takes a sip::

Fuku-san: Ya know that taste ya get in your mouth when ya eat someone's cum?  
Ryo-san: Your sick Fuku-san! Get out of my room!  
Fuku-san: WAIT! I FEEL SOMETHING!

:: Ryo's eyes widen::

Ryo-san: What?! WHAT IS IT?!?  
Fuku-san: I see little green dots... like ALIENS!   
Ryo-san: ALIENS!?!? WHERE?!?!  
Fuku-san: AHHH!!! I can hear them! Their saying that their gonna take over YOKOSUKA! Then the WORLD!  
Ryo-san: OH MY GOD!  
Fuku-san: HAHAHAAH! YOU FELL FOR IT!!!  
Ryo-san: That's NOT funny Fuku-san!

:: Suddenly something drastically happens, then Ryo ends up facing himself:: 

Ryo-san: What the hell? I can see myself?  
Fuku-san: What the hell? I CAN SEE MYSELF TOO!

:: Ryo lifts up his hand, reliezing that it's Fuku-san's hand!::

Ryo-san: OH MY GOD!!!!!!

"Kitchen" 

:: Minutes go by of Fuku and Ryo just sitting at the table, trying to figure out how they switched bodies::

Ryo-san:(After minutes of silence and disbelief) What was that shit?  
Fuku-san: I don't know Ryo... but you have a nice feeling sack!  
Ryo-san: Oh cut it out Fuku-san! Get serious will ya?!?  
Fuku-san: God I love your six pack Ryo! I could ride you until the break of dawn!  
Ryo-san: FUKU-SAN!!!!!!!  
Fuku-san: Alright! Alright! I'll shut up now.   
Ryo-san: We gotta figure out how to reverse this and get us back in our normal bodies.  
Fuku-san: Ya know Ryo, I could pimp more guys in this body because you WAY hotter than I am. So im thinking of just leaving it as it is!  
Ryo-san: That's NOT funny Fuku-san! We can't live our lives liek this! What about NOZOMI?!? And what about INE-SAN?! What will we tell her?  
Fuku-san: NOTHING! That's the BEAUTY of this! Well, if you'll excuse me Ryo-san, or Fuku-san... hehehe, I gotta date to catch!

:: Ryo tackles Fuku:: 

Ryo-san: YOU STAY AWAY FROM NOZOMI!!!  
Fuku-san: Are you trying to make love to me? Ryo-san?

:: Ryo punches Fuku in his nose::  
:: Fuku bleeds::

Fuku-san: You just made your OWN nose bleed. Sad Ryo, VERY sad.  
Ryo-san: Im sorry. I overreacted.

:: Fuku walks to the door::

Fuku-san: I just wanna have some fun for tonight. Tommorow, we'll figure out what to do, ok?  
Ryo-san: Whatever! Just be careful!

"Two Hours Later" 

:: Ryo sits in Fuku's body by himself, watching the clock::

Ryo-san: What's that bastard doing to MY body? He better behave himself!

"Tagieria-san's House" 

:: Fuku rings the doorbell::  
:: Tagie-san answers the door::

Tagie-san: Hey Ryo, what's up?  
Ryo-san: Hey Tagie-san, can I come in?  
Tagie-san: Sure, why not?

:: Fuku and Tagie walk up to his room::

Fuku-san: Nice room!   
Tagie-san: Ha! You act like you've never seen it before, Ryo.   
Fuku-san: Oh ummm... it's just sooo ummm... BEAUTIFUL!

:: Tagie stares at Fuku::

Tagie-san: RIIIIIIIIGHT, anyways! Wanna play some Sega Saturn?! I got this NEW fighting game.   
Fuku-san: I gotta fighting game we could play too!  
Tagie-san: Ok, bring it over!  
Fuku-san: It's already here baby!  
Tagie-san: Say what?  
Fuku-san: It's called," I fight, and you scream".   
Tagie-san: Oh I GET IT! Like wrestling! Ok!  
Fuku-san:(Grinning) YES! LIKE WRESTLING! HEHEHE!

"Hazuki Residence" 

Ryo-san: THAT'S IT! This is going too far! Im going out and seeing what that bastards doing to my BODY! Ha! Watch me be overreacting, he's probably just playing games with Tagie-san. No big deal. It;s NOT like he fucking him or anything...

"Tagieria-san's Bedroom" 

Tagie-san: OH GOD RYO! I ALWAYS KNEW YOU WERE GOOD IN BED!! YOU JUST NEVER SHOWED ME!!!

:: Fuku fucks Tagie::

Fuku-san: GOD!!! I LOVE THIS!!

:: Fuku slaps Tagie on his back::

Tagie-san: OWCH!!!  
Fuku-san: CALL ME FUKU BITCH!  
Tagie-san: WHAT?!?

:: Fuku slaps him again:: 

Fuku-san: CALL ME FUKU BITCH!!!  
Tagie-san: I THOUGHT YOU WERE RYO?!?  
Fuku-san: Uh oh! Ummm... r-right! I AM!

:: Ryo barges into the room::

Ryo-san: OH MY GOD!!!!  
Tagie-san: FUKU-SAN?!? I ummm...  
Ryo-san: FUKU-SAN! GET OUT YOU GAY BASTARD!!!

:: Tagie gets up and runs over to Ryo, huging him::

Tagie-san: Im sorry Fuku... but im NOT in love with you anymore!  
Ryo-san: WHAT THE HELL?!?! OH HELL NAW!  
Tagie-san: I fucked you for a while, and frankly, Ryo over here is better! SO BLAH!  
Ryo-san: YOU A FAG TAGIE?!?!?!!?  
Tagie-san: You already know Fuku-san! We've been fucking each other for years! I didn't think Ryo over there knew I was a FAG until he rubbed my nipples and told me how special I was!!  
Ryo-san: THAT DOES IT!!!!

:: Ryo walks over, locks Fuku by his ears and takes hom out the room:: 

"Hazuki Residence" 

Ryo-san: I CAN'T BELIEVE MY BEST FRIEND WAS A FAG!!! I'd rather not of known, but THANKS TO YOU FUKU-SAN!!!  
Fuku-san: Im sorry Ryo, but some people just can't be normal. They gotta explore the magnificent slumbers of being a fag...

:: Ryo goes over to the bottle, and takes a sip::

Ryo-san: This'll put us back to normal!

:: Fuku switches into his body, while Ryo switches into his::

Fuku-san: WOW! IT WORKED! How did you know that's what you do?!?!?  
Ryo-san: BECAUSE while you were gone, I took another sip to see and I turned into OUR cat! And the cat went into my body!  
Fuku-san: HAHAHAAHA!!!!  
Ryo-san: It's NOT funny!

:: Ine-san comes in::  
::Ine-san snatches the bottle::

Ine-san: What's this stuff? Looks good!  
Ryo and Fuku: NO INE-SAN! DON'T!

:: Ine-san drinks it::  
:: Her brain goes into Fuku while her sluttynest goes into Ryo::  
:: Fuku gets confused and punches Ine-san::  
:: Ine-san drops the bottle into the fire::

Ryo-san: NOOOO!!!!! 


	8. Episode 8: The Plot

Episode 8: S.I. 2

"Presidential Debate" 

::George W. Bush and Senator John Kerry meet in a hand shake out in the middle of the stage::  
::The Democrats and Republicans rave in cheering::

Man: Mr. President, Senator Kerry, take your stands.

::Bush and Kerry stand in front of their microphones::

Man: Ok. Mr. President, you go first.  
Bush: Thank you, and thank you to all who are going to vote for me. Ya know, let me try to prove my first point in this debate for a hastly moment here. Those who don't vote for me are fools. Ya here me out? I supply this nation with a prosperous moral of freedom and gathering on a good tax level and healthcare. (Faded whisper) Not that I give a damn about each, but still!  
Man: Is that it?  
Bush: For now yes. I gotta observe my notes. Get my drift dawg?  
Man: Oooookkkk, and now for you Senator Kerry.

::Kerry laughs::

Kerry: Hear me out people: This President can't do anything. Observe his ignorant actions. He has to read his notes and observe them! What kind of President says that at an election and says he doesn't give a rats butt about healthcare! Ladies and Gentlemen, our healthcare is just as important as OUR people...  
Bush:(Fainted whisper) Who gives a monkeys ass about healthcare.  
Kerry: What was that Mr. President?  
Bush: N-Nothing, I was j-just... reading my notes!   
Kerry: Anyways. Our country deserves more people. Plain and simple. It deserves-  
Bush:(Shaking like he has terretts) IT CERTAINLY DOESN'T DESERVE YOUR WEASAL LOOKING ASS IN OFFICE YOU COCK SUCKING HOE!!!!

::The audience exchange words in fluster and disbelief::

Man: There shall be no swearing upon this election Mr. President!  
Bush: FUCK YOU!

::Bush grabs the microphone::

Bush: My fellow Republicans! If you don't give a damn about healthcare give me a "HELL NO!"  
Audience: HELL NO!  
Kerry: Mr. President I think you should-  
Bush: -give you head? Sorry, but you democrats are fucking weird like that!   
Kerry: We're weird?! Look at your asses! You people are sooo damn conservative, you've probably hadn't had sex since in reformation! We democrats are liberal! We have sex every night goddamnit!!!!  
Man in audience: AMEN TO THAT BROTHA'!  
Bush: Shut the fuck up Kerry! Zip it or I'll kick it!

::Kerry attacks Bush::

Bush: Im gonna fuckin' squash you with my wallet!  
Kerry: Im gonna fucking kick you in your Texas Balls!

"Hazuki Residence" 

::Ryo quickly turns the television off:: 

Ryo-san: The United States is weird as hell.   
Fuku-san:(Laughing) Oh my God! That was funny as shit! I wished we had of recorded that!

"One Hour Later" 

::The phone rings::  
::Ryo answers::

Ryo-san: Hello?  
?: Ryo!  
Ryo-san: Who's this?

::Person clears voice::

Nozomi: Im sorry. These herpees are killing my voice.   
Ryo-san: Oh, what's up Nozomi?  
Nozomi: I wanna chill at Saka' Park tonight. Wanna come?  
Ryo-san: Ummmm...

::Ryo looks at Ine-san dancing on the kitchen table in a thong with a bottle of vodka::

Ryo-san: Yeah sure. That doesn't seem like a bad idea right about now.

"Saka' Park" 

::None of the lights were on at the park so it was pitch dark:: 

Ryo-san:(Whisper) Nozomi? Nozomi?!  
Nozomi: Right here! 

::Nozomi snatches Ryo's hand and begins making out with him::   
::They both fall on the ground::  
::Nozomi pulls out a pair of handcuffs::

Nozomi: Here, put it on. Then put it on my hand. It's a sex move I read in a book where you need handcuffs.  
Ryo-san: I see. Ok!

::Ryo could hardly see::  
::He clipped the cuffs around his wrist then picked up another wrist, figuring it was Nozomi's and cuffing it::

Nozomi: Put the cuffs on!  
Ryo-san: I did! Didn't I?

::Suddenly a Police Helicopter flew over the park::  
::Ten guys jumped up from the ground, half of them with their pants hanging down::

Man in helicopter: Freeze! You guys are under arrest! HALT!

::Ryo trys to run, only figuring out that the person he cuffed was Fuku!

Ryo-san: WHAT THE FUCK?!?!? FUKU-SAN?!?!?

::Fuku's face was smearing with a mysterious white liquid and had pink lipstick over him::

Fuku-san: Hello Ryo.

::Ryo runs out of the park, being chased by several cops who jumped out of the helicopters::  
::Ryo began to run, handcuffed to Fuku::

Police: FREEZE!  
Ryo-san: Come on Fuku-san! Your slow as hell! We're gonna be arrested!  
Fuku-san: Im sorry Ryo, but I can't stop starring at your ass as it wiggles incircled in the moonlight.

::Ryo and Fuku manage to escape:: 

"The Next Morning" 

Ryo-san: Im deathly ill Ine-san...

::Ryo fake coughs several times::   
::Ine-san feels on his head::

Ine-san: Your NOT running a fever. You never know though. Colds can trick you.

::Ryo lays in the bed, sneezing and coughing fakely::

Ine-san: Well here's your medicine. Take two teaspoons every three hours my wittle Ryo, ok baby?  
Ryo-san: Ok my wittle Ine-san... hehehehe.   
Ine-san: Fuku and I are going to go to the store then... since your sick I guess you'll be staying. Be back in a couple of hours.   
Ryo-san: Ok bye.

::Ryo leans up desperately and pokes his ear out::  
::He hears the door shut::  
::Ryo lunges from his bed and pulls the sheets off::  
::It reveiles a large poster labled "Death to Fuku-san Plan":: PLAN:

Plan #1:Poison Fuku's food.  
Plan #2:Shoot Fuku with shotgun.   
Ryo-san: I've had enough of this bullshit Fuku-san! I've put up with your gay ass for soooo long! Now... IT'S TIME TO DIE!!!!! MAWUAHAHAAH!!!!

::The birds flutter off the trees::

"Dubuita" 

::Ryo meets a mysterious man on the side of the Yu Arcade:: 

Man: Are you sure you were not followed?  
Ryo-san: Yes. Just give me the thing.  
Man: You got the shit?

::Ryo takes out a handfull of dog shit::

Man:(Rubbing his hands together) Now that's what im talking about... hahaha...

::Man looks around and then pulls out a box from behind::  
::He pulls out a 50 Gauge Shotgun and hands it to Ryo::  
::Ryo cocks it:: 

Man: It's loaded with five bullets.  
Ryo-san: That should be enough for a quick run by. Ok. Nice doing buisness with ya. 

"That Night" 

::Ryo sits in a rockingchair, smoking a cigar, and playing Opera Music in front of the Front Door, pointing the shotgun right at the door, waiting for Fuku to get home::

Ryo-san:(Singing Music) Ohhh lalala... OHHHH!!!! Hahaha... lalala..

::It looked like Ryo was going crazy::  
::His eyes were bloodshot and his face was scoulding red::

Ryo-san: Mawuahahaha! Time to die... BITCH!

::Ryo hears someone at the door::  
::Ryo grips the shotgun tightly::   
::The door opens::  
::Nozomi appears... then Fuku along with her::  
::Ryo hids the gun behing the chair::

Fuku-san: Hey Ryo! I brought Nozomi here! I apologized to her and then I thought I'd bring her here to see you!  
Ryo-san: You little cock sucker!  
Fuku-san: Huh?  
Ryo-san:(Psycho Voice) You just wanted to hurt me! I see how life is! IT'S A BITCH TO YOU!!!

::Ryo pulls out shotgun::

Ryo-san: WELL BOTH OF YOU ARE GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!  
Nozomi: RYO?!?!? DON'T!!!  
Ryo-san: I hope you two enjoy being the devils bitches in HELL!!!

::Ryo shoots both of them, killing Nozomi but practically killing Fuku::  
::Fuku crawls on the ground, struggling::

Ryo-san: Where you gonna go? There's nowhere to go!

::Ryo kicks Fuku::

Ryo-san: Hahahaaha! Look at ya... pothetic!

::Ryo aims to gun down at Fuku::

Ryo-san: Later... bro...

::A shot goes off:: 


	9. Episode 9: Inesan's Struggle

Episode 9: S.I. 2

"Hazuki Residence" 

::A knock was heard on the door::  
::Ine-san answered:: 

Man: Hello, are you Ine-san?  
Ine-san: Yes I am. Who's this?

::The man hands Ine-san an envelope::

Ine-san: RYO-SAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Ryo's Bedroom" 

::Ryo falls to the floor, covering his hand::

Ryo-san:(Stupidly and tiredly) We're under attack! 

::Ine-san barges into the room::

Ine-san: Ryo! Quit making love with the floor and look at this!

::Ryo snatches the envelope and reads it::

Ine-san: YOU QUIT YOUR JOB AND DIDN'T TELL ME?!?!? NOW WE'RE IN DEBT!!!  
Ryo-san: Why the fuck do I have to tell you everything Ine-san? Goddamn, I swear im like two seconds from moving out of this house!  
Ine-san: And how do you expect to accomplish that without a job?! Ya know Ryo, right when I thought you were gaining responsibility you-  
Ryo-san: I dont wanna hear it! Leave me the fuck alone!

::Fuku walks in:: 

Fuku-san: What's with the gloomy faces?  
Ine-san and Ryo-san: SHUT UP!!!  
Fuku-san: You got it.

"China Resteraunt" 

::Ine-san sits down for a quick lunch:: 

Radio: Are you depressed from debt?

::Ine-san chokes on her food::

Radio: Do you need more comfort and relief in you life?!

Ine-san:(Whispering to herself) Yes...

Radio: DO YOU JUST WANNA GET UP, GRAB YOUR BALLS, AND SAY I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE?!?

::Ine-san stands up impusively::

Ine-san: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!

::Everyone stares at Ine-san:: 

Ine-san:(Blushing) Sorry.

Radio:... then all you gotta do is call: 1-800-I LUV PROSTITUTION. That's 1-800- I LUV PROSTITUTION for a easy, wet, sensational prostitution job. 

::Ine-san thinks::  
::Ine-san gets a mischievious smile on her face::

"One Week Later"   
"At Night" 

::Ryo tosses and turns in his bed, thinking about the debt::

Ryo-san: I can't go to sleep... we're gonna lose are house, our life, our everything.

::Suddenly Ryo hears to front door open. a few chuckles, and a woman who sounded like Ine-san and a voice of a man::  
::Ryo stands to his feet and puts his ear up to his door, listening in on the hallway::

Man: God you slutty ass is sooooo tight.

::Ryo hears a slap::   
::Ryo trys not to chuckle::

Ine-san: Oh God im horny... (Squeal)

::Ryo cringes::  
::He heard Ine-san's bedroom door shut::  
::He slowly opens his door and tip toes down the hallway towards her room::

Fuku-san:(Whisper from down the hallway) Ryo-san...  
Ryo-san:(Whisper) Fuku-san! Go away!   
Fuku-san: So you hear it too... Ine-san's gonna get her freak on tonight!  
Ryo-san: Not if she hears us. Go away.  
Fuku-san: No. Im just as curious as you are. Let's see who it is dude.  
Ryo-san: Ok, but you gotta promise me that you'll keep quiet.  
Fuku-san: Cross my heart, and hope to be gay.

::Ryo rolls his eyes and continues::  
::Ryo and Fuku convene outside of Ine-sans door::   
::They hear a few words inside and hitting against the wall:: 

Man: Your such a bad, old girl.  
Ine-san: Oh God im sooooo hott for you tonight!

::Fuku chuckles loudly, trying to hold it in silently::  
::Ryo steps on Fuku's toe::

Fuku-san:(Whisper) Owch!  
Ryo-san:(Frantic whisper) Keep quiet dumbass!

::Ryo and Fuku held their ears up to the door like spying hawks::   
::Suddenly loud music is turned on in Ine-san's room:: 

Fuku-san: I think we should go in there and see who the mysterious man is.  
Ryo-san: It's probably some lonely eighty year old man that goes on those lesbian chatrooms at night to get off. Cause thats the only way a wrinkly, dried up pruny ass like Ine-san is gonna get a man.  
Fuku-san: Hey bitch! That's my mom your talking about!  
Ryo-san: Dude, Fuku-san, calm down.  
Fuku-san: MY MOMS NOT A PRUNY DRIED UP BITCH U FUCKER!!!

::Fuku attacks Ryo::

Ryo-san:(Laughing) HELP! RAPE! I HAVE A FAG TRYING TO MOLEST ME!  
Fuku-san: Im gonna kill your ass!

::The music turns off::

Ine-san: Who's out there?!

::Ryo and Fuku stop, having each others fists locked around their knecks:: 

Fuku-san: Ummm... nowone...  
Ryo-san: Like she's gonna believe that! It's us Ine-san!  
Ine-san: Go back to bed my sugar pies!  
Fuku-san: Your sugar what?  
Ryo-san: Ine-san, who are you in there with?

::There was a short pause::

Ine-san: Your uncle...  
Ryo-san: MY UNCLE?!  
Ine-san: Y-Yeah... y-y-your uncle! He's teaching me how to d-dance! Now go back to bed sweaties! 

::Ryo barges into the room::

Ryo-san: I don't believe that one- INE-SAN!!!!!!

::Goro lays in the bed, smoking a cigarette and having a smirk on his face::

Goro: How's it groovin' bro!

::Ine-san's wrinkly, inflated breasts are exposed::  
::She throws the sheets over her breasts::

Ine-san: Now look what you did!!!!!!!!!

::Ine-san crys::

Ryo-san: Oh my fucking God! I did not just see you and Goro in bed together and... Ine-san! Did you just have your shirt off?!?!  
Fuku-san: Goro! I thought we were together!  
Ryo-san: WHAT?!?!  
Goro: I was desperate tonight and you were going with that brawny Toeit-san dude anyways Fuku-san!  
Fuku-san:(Looking like he was about to cry) But I still had feelings for you!!

::Fuku crys::

Goro: Oh no! Now your gonna make me cry!

::Goro begins to cry:: 

Ryo-san: OH MY GOD!!!!

::Ryo turns red::  
::He holds his ears::  
::Everyone crys around him::

Ryo-san: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Next Day" 

::Ine-san pulls out a bagfull of hundred dollar bills::

Ryo-san: So how long had you been doing this prositution?  
Ine-san: About a week now. Are you mad at me?   
Ryo-san: How much have you made so far?  
Ine-san: About two thousand dollars! Now we can at least afford food!  
Ryo-san: I guess...  
Ine-san: Oh but don't be mad Ryo, just cause im a prostitute doesn't mean I can't bring my prostitute friends home to meet ya!  
Ryo-san:(Turning happy) WHAT?!?!

::About ten, sexy blonde girls walk into the room::

Girls: Is this Ryo?   
Ine-san: Hell yes! Have fun girls!

::The girls take Ryo into the other room::

Ryo-san: Thanks Ine-san!


	10. Episode 10: The Trip

Episode 10: S.I 2

"Hazuki Residence" 

::The doorbell rings::  
::Fuku answers::

Mailman: Hello. Are you Fuku-san?  
Fuku-san: Yup, that's me.  
Mailman: I have a package for you. If you would just sign right here...

::Man hands Fuku a registration form::

::Fuku signs it and takes the package::

"Fuku's Room" 

::Fuku flees into his room, slamming the door hasily:: 

Fuku-san:(Excitedly) Hahahaaha... it's finally here! 

::Fuku pulls out a load of magazines from the styrophome:: 

Fuku-san: WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!

"Post Office" 

::The Receptionist answers the phone::

Receptionist: Yes. Hello?  
Fuku-san:(Angrily) YES HELLO! YA KNOW WHAT KINDA MAGZINES I GOT?!??! PLAYBOY!!! I GOT PLAYBOY!!!! I specifically asked for PLAYGIRL!!!  
Recpetionist:(Laughing) Well... I assumed by your voice that you were a guy and I figured you wanted Playboy. I mean, isn't Playgirl Magazines for girls and NOT guys?   
Fuku-san:(Dumbfounded) Y-Yeah well! The world is different now! NOW SEND ME MY PLAYGIRL MAGAZINES!!!!  
Receptionist: I don't know why your calling me. This is only the Post Office. You should call the company you ordered from and bitch to them you cock sucking fag! 

::The Receptionist hung up::

Fuku-san: What a hoe! 

::Fuku calls back::  
::Fuku then spots on one of the Playboy covers a picture of Xiuying Hong::  
::Fuku hangs up:: 

Fuku-san: RYO-SAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Ryo-san:(In the other room) Shut up!  
Fuku-san: No Ryo-san! You really gotta see this!   
Ryo-san: I don't wanna see any of your Dick Enlarging Exercises Fuku-san!

::Fuku runs into the kitchen and throws the magazine at Ryo::

Ryo-san: What the hell Fuku-san?!? I don't wanna look at... it is Xiuying!?!? IN PLAYBOY?!?!  
Fuku-san: Yeah you told me that you met her on your trip to find Lan Di, remember?   
Ryo-san:(Reading from the cover) If you wanna know what dirty secrets this sexy piece of ass is hiding from you, flip to page 31... 

::Moments go by::  
::Ryo puts the magazine down:: 

Ryo-san: No... that's wrong... im NOT perverted like that! 

::Ryo throws the magazine down on the table and takes a couple of walks away::  
::Ryo starts to breath heavily::  
::He suddenly turns around and picks up the magazine::

Ryo-san:(Flipping through the pages) PAGE 31! PAGE 31!!!!

::Ryo reaches the page::  
::His eyes get larger::

Fuku-san: EWWWWW GROWSE!!!!!!!  
Ryo-san: OH MY GOD!!! Xiuying has some huge ass tites!

::Ryo runs into his room and shuts the door:: 

Fuku-san: HEY! That was MY magazine!

::Fuku bangs on the door from the outside::

Fuku-san: Lemme in you bitch!   
Ryo-san: It's mine now! Go away you gay fag! You shouldn't be reading this STRAIGHT stuff anyways!  
Fuku-san: Yeah but it's still mine! NOW OPEN UP!

::Ryo looks down towards the bottom of the page::

Ryo-san:(Reading) Ryo... im waiting for you. If you read this, come to the Playboy Mansion in America... ask for Ryo's Sexy Skank at the front gates and they'll let you in.

::Ryo opens the door::  
::Fuku stands there, desperately, with his nose up to the door::

Ryo-san: Outta my way! Im going to America! 

"America" 

::Ryo arrives in a taxi at the Front Gate::  
::Two men in black tuxedo's and sunglasses were standing there::  
::Ryo walked up to them:: 

Ryo-san:(Blushing) Ummm... hehehe... d-do you guys know where Ryo's Sexy Skank is?  
Man on Left: Looks like you finally arrived. The skank has been waiting for you.

::The man handed Ryo a picture of the man dancing in a thong::

Ryo-san:(Confused) What's this?  
Man: Do you think I look sexy in a thong?  
Ryo-san: Ummmm... s-sure...(Scratches head) ...I guess?  
Man: Hmmm...(Looks at picture)... I could use a trim on my chest hairs and a lift on my ass cheeks 'cause their too low and...  
Ryo-san: C-Can I please just go in?  
Man: Sure man.

::The gates open::

Ryo-san: Well... good luck on the whole chest thing...   
Man: Hey thanks man! Hey... and good luck with the skank... we all know her 'cause like every guy around here has gotten' a piece of that ass once or twice. Some are so addicted to it, they use it like it's their desert.

"Playboy Mansion" 

::Ryo walks up to the front desk::

Lady: May I help you?  
Ryo-san: Yes, im here to see Ryo's Sexy Skank.  
Lady: Follow me Mr. Hazuki.

::Lady brings Ryo into a pink room that smelt like roses::

Lady: Wait in here... (Chuckle)...big boy.

::Minutes go by::  
::Ryo gets comfortbale in a sofa::   
::Suddenly a piece of the ground comes up from below, carrying Xiuying on it::  
::Ryo eyes widen::  
:: Xiuying walks towards Ryo::

Xiuying: I've been waiting for you.  
Ryo-san: Me too baby... your sooooooooo hott it's unbelievable. It was a long trip and im aching all over my sexy body.

::Ryo begins rubbing himself::

Xiuying: Your soooooo sexy my Ryo bitch. It must of been hard on you baby.

::Xiuying takes off all of her clothes::

Ryo-san: Wait! If we have sex, you won't do any of that teleporting, fast moving shit will you?  
Xiuying: Of course not baby... im different in bed. Besides, your gonna make me scream so much, I won't be able to think about kicking your ass.  
Ryo-san: Sounds like a plan!

"After the Sex" 

::Ryo wakes up the next morning in a long bed::  
::He found himself alone in bed, only discovering a braw and some alcholic drinks:: 

Ryo-san: Uhhhhhh...Xiuying?

::Ryo thinks:: 

Ryo-san: She really is a hoe! She used me!

::Ryo thinks some more::

Ryo-san:...AWESOME! I was used! HAHAHA! I knew a slut like her didn't have real feeling for me anyways!

::Ryo throws on his clothes, grabs his bag, and walks out the door::  
::Hugh Hephner walks by with a cigar in his mouth and surrounded by a group of girls::

Hugh: You got Xiuying for the night eh? I banged that chik like a handgun: cocked it a couple of times, pointed it , and fired off several rounds into the target, then did it again and again and again and again and...   
Ryo-san: DUDE! I get the point!

::Ryo walks around, trying to figure out what to do::

Ryo-san: My plane leaves tommorow and I have nowhere to stay 'til then!

::Fangmei walks up to Ryo::

Fangmei: HI RYO!!! OH MY GOD!!! IT'S BEEN SOOO LONG!!!  
Ryo-san: Fangmei?! Long time no see! You look great! 

::The two of them hug::

Fangmei: You can stay at my place if you want. Xiuying gave me a place 'cause I traveled to America with her because of her Playboy Job.  
Ryo-san: YEAH! That would be great! Thank you sooo much!

"Fangmei's House" 

::Ryo takes off his coat::  
::Fangmei smiles::

Fangmei: Make yourself at home. There's some Chicken Wings in the refrigerator if you need anything and if you need to take a shower, the towels are in the closet down the hallway and to the left.  
Ryo-san: Thanks Fangmei... I owe you alot!

::Ryo sits on a cowch::

::Fangmei turns on the television for him::   
::Fangmei stares at Ryo::

Fangmei: Anything else?!? How 'bout a glass of water?! How 'bout an Ice Cream Cone?!   
Ryo-san:(Chuckling) No im alright, really. But thanks anyways. 

::Fangmei turns on some music::  
::She walks over towards Ryo, purposely knocking a glass of water on his shirt::

Fangmei: Oh im awfully sorry! Please forgive me!  
Ryo-san: It's alright...   
Fangmei: Let me get you out of these wet clothes.

::Fangmei takes Ryo's shirt off::

Fangmei: Better?  
Ryo-san: Much, thank you.

::Suddenly Fangmei lunches in for a french kiss::   
::Ryo trys to push her off::

Ryo-san: FANGMEI! What on earth are you doing?!  
Fangmei: I should of fucked you back in Hong Kong! But I was too much of a pussy! But now I wanna use my pussy! SO LET'S FUCK 'TIL THE BREAK OF DAWN!

::Fangmei trys to pull Ryo's pants off::

Ryo-san: FANGMEI! Your a really nice girl but I just don't wanna do it! STOP NOW!  
Fangmei: Fuck me Ryo! I LIKE YOU SOOO MUCH! GOD HELP ME!  
Ryo-san: HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Fagmei: Remember when you said I looked like a cat? Well im gonna fuck you like a cat until there's no tommorow! Im gonna use my cat fangs, that's why they call my "FANG"mei!   
Ryo-san: Please Fangmei! I just wanna relax!  
Fangmei: You can relax...while im ontop of you. Now let's fuck! 

::Fangmei jumps on Ryo back, trying to rip his pants off:: 

Ryo-san: GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!! 


	11. Episode 11: Fukusan Straight to GAY

Episode 11: S.I. 2

"8000 B.C. in some town" 

::Nostradamus pulled up at some lady's house in his Mercedes Benz in the middle of nowhere::  
::He put on his long, black hat and robe::

Nostradamus: I can't believe they fired me from my Astronomy Job! I hate doing these fucking Magic Tricks! I better not screw this magic trick up... or im finished.

::He knocked at the door::  
::A woman answered::

Woman: Oh! The Magic Man! My son has been expected you! Please, come in. This is gonna be his best Birthday Party ever!

::Nostradamus walked in and was greeted by many little children::  
::He stood in front of them to preform his first trick::  
::He took off his hat and pulled out a wand from his robe::  
::He waved the wand over the hat:: 

Nostradamus: Please magic work this trick! Make a rabbit appear and make it appear quick!

::He pulled out a bag of weed from his hat::

Nostradamus: Fuck! I thought I kept this shit in the car!

::Suddenly the kids turned shocked, then they started crying::

Nostrodamus: NO! Please don't do that! I ummm...

::He put on a red nose and squeezed it, making it squeek::  
::The woman got mad and sweeped him out with a broom:: 

Nostrodamus: GODDAMNIT! That's like the twentieth place I've been kicked out of! Im sick of this shit! I need to do something where I can get repect! I need to invent something! YES! Invent something! So I can show the world that im king! I need WITNESSES! Witnesses that can witness the power of my INVENTIONS! I know just what witnesses to get!

"Nostradamus's Laboratory" 

::Nostradamus took out some cows, sheep, and chickens from his camper and put them in the laboratory::

Nostrodamus: Commence with me furry friends! WE SHALL CREATE SOMETHING BEYOND PEOPLES IMAGINATIONS, AND WE WILL DO IT TOGETHER!

::The cows went "MOO"::

"Later" 

::After hours of sitting in a dark room with a single lamp on... he decided on what to do::

Nostradamus: I GOT IT! I WILL GO THROUGH TIME!!! YES! IT WOULD WORK, AND IT WOULD WORK BRILLIANTLY!

::He set up a long clock, about double the size of him, at the end of a long hallway::  
::He strapped on his Knee Pads, a helmet, and some gloves and stood at the other end of the hallway:: 

Nostradamus:(Lifting his arms into the air) Watch upon me my furry creatures as I run through this clock and appear 1000 years INTO THE FUTURE!!!

The chickens shook their heads::  
::He began to run, smiling brightly and screaming, lifting his arms high::   
::The went through the clock and came out on the other side::   
::He appeared in another room::

Nostrodamus: YES! I have succeeded! I am now 1000 years into the future!

::The animals came up behind him::

Chicken: Actually... your in the other room... dumbass.

"The Next Day" 

::Nostradamus stood in a pool of water with only his underwear on::

Nostradamus: Gather around my friends! Watch me as I run electricity through my body and aquire X-Ray Vision! 

::Suddenly Thomas Edison walked into the room and stood up to the pool::

Thomas: Dude... electricty hasn't even been invented yet. Believe me man, I know.  
Nostradamus:(Stumped) Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight... well! So?!??! Cars haven't either??!?! But they were still at the beggining of this story!!!! SO FUCK YOU!!! Get the fuck out before I take out my AK-47 and blow your ass away! You probably think guns haven't been invented either! You'd be wrong! Mawuahahaha!  
Thomas: Hahahaha... bring it bitch!

::Thomas took out a Electrical Cord, plugged it into the wall and threw it in the pool, shocking Nostradamus::

"Year 1980 A.D."   
"Hazuki Residence Yard" 

::Fuku and Ryo played soccer::

Fuku-san:(Laughing) Hehehe.. Ryo-san! Think you'll be able to dodge this one!  
Ryo-san: I don't have to dodge! Im so good, that my body will do it for me without me doing anything!   
Fuku-san: Hehehehe, better hope so man!

::Fuku was about to kick, then he spotted a glymspe of Hitori-san... a girl he's been wanting to bone since age 5::  
::He got distracted and missed the ball, falling on the ground and into mud::  
::Hitori-san chuckled softly::  
::Fuku was only 11... and was already into girls::  
::He stood up, his pants dark brown::

Hitori-san: Hehehehe... your cute when your dirty.  
Fuku-san:(Blushing and feeling his hair) Ummm.. hehe... n-not really.  
Ryo-san: Talk to her Fuku-san!   
Fuku-san: I AM RYO-SAN! SHUT UP!

::She walked up to Fuku and grabbed his balls::

Hitori-san: I know you wanna fuck me. Well, here I am. So let's go.

::Fuku froze solid:: 

Fuku-san: Ummmm... ok!!! I think Ine-san keeps condoms in her room for all her boyfriends! Lemme go see if I can find some!   
Hitori-san: Hehehe... ok.

::Fuku flicked Ryo off and laughed as he ran inside::

Ryo-san:(Crossing his arms and very jealous) Bitch...

"Ine-san's Room" 

::Little Fuku fled in and looked under Ine-san's bed::  
::He pulled out a black box and opened it::  
::He pushed aside toothbrushes, some vibrators, pieces of gold paper, and some perfume::  
::Then he found two comdoms::

Fuku-san: FUCK YES!

::Suddenly Nostradamus popped out of the closet, wearing one of Ine-san's pink braws::

Nostradamus: Uhhhhh... hello?   
Fuku-san: AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Nostradamus: NO! DON'T SCREAM! 

::Nostradamus heard Ryo running into the house:: 

Ryo-san(From far away) What is it Fuku-san??!?!? Did you see Ine-san without her make-up on?!?!

::Nostradamus got scared and ran into Ine-san's bathroom, splashed some water on Fuku and shocked them both::

"In a dark place" 

::Suddenly Fuku and Nostradamus ended up in a dark area, where they couldn't see much of anything except for a crack of light, which revieled a elegant, golden bathroom which smelt like an Elephant's Ass Crack::

Fuku-san: Where am I?  
Nostradamus: I don't know. But I've already visited Year 3000. It appears that everytime I shock myself, I dissapear and go to some Time Zone. It's very bizzare.  
Fuku-san: So we're in a different Time Zone??!?! NOOO! I gotta get back! I have to get laid! You don't understand!   
Nostradamus: Have patience young one... we will get you back momentarily. Im just afraid of being yelled at. I get yelled at ALL the time. So I flipped out. Sorry. Once we find water, I will take you back. OK? You should of been seen when I took someone from the Stone Age to see the Apocalyspe in year 4532 A.D. They flipped out like crazy! HAHAHAHA!  
Fuku-san: Looks like we're in a closet. We should go out and find water...  
Nostradamus: Good idea little one.

::Suddenly a man walked into the bathroom wearing a Nazi German Suit::

Fuku-san:(Whispering) Oh my God.  
Nostradamus: What?  
Fuku-san: That's Adolph Hitler.  
Nostradamus: Who's he?   
Fuku-san: What time did you come from?  
Nostradamus: Ummm... sometime before this dude got hung on this cross. Then they changed it to YEAR 1. So im assuming sometime before that. Hey... I went to that cross thing. These guards nailed this dude to a cross and he ressurected. It was an awesome day. I shook the dudes hand and got his autograph. Then he said I was saved and I'd get holy pleasure from him when I died. Whatever that means.  
Fuku-san: Shhh... quiet man. I think he's gonna do something.

::Adolph Hitlar sat on a toilet and began taking a massive shit, farting and lifting his legs off the ground::

Adolph: Oh mi Gid! This shit is holdin' strong!

::Fuku and Nostradamus wrinkled their noises and held them as Adolph moaned in pleasure::  
::Alolph put his pants back and and pulled a couple of grenades out from the toilet:: 

Hitler: SHIT! Why do those filthy americans kip shoven grenades ip my ass!

::He went to the mirror and stripped down his clothes, revieling his 1.5, string thick dick::  
::He put on a purple braw and a womans wig::  
::He posed in front of the mirror::

Hitler:(Woman's voice) Hello... Mrs. Robinson. How do you like to be spanked?

::Then he screamed suddenly like a little girl::

Hitler: Hehehee... (Shaking his finger) Nit too hard I hope... hahaha!

::The he put on little tight, black underwear and took out some pink and gold Pong Pongs, dancing up and down with them::

Hitler: IM A PRETTY LADY!!!!

::Suddenly Fuku and Nostradamus started bursting out laughing::  
::Hitler got startled and took out a Hair Dryer, holding it like a gun::

Hitler: WHO'S IN THERE?!?!?!? YOUR UNDER GERMAN ARREST!

::Guards stormed into the bathroom::

Guards: Sir! What's wrong??!?! 

::Hitler grabs a towel and wraps it around him::

Hitler: Iver heard of knicking??!?!!

::The guards find the two in the closet and arrest them::  
::They are taken in front of hitler:: 

Hitler: Hmmm... take the tall one in the other room and muster the Nazi Soldiers together to rape him. Have yourselves a nice gang bang.  
Nostradamus: WAIT! WHAT?!??! NOOO!!! NOOOOO!!!

::The guards take him away::

Fuku-san: Nice knowing you man!   
Nostradamus: HELP ME YOUNG ONE!!! HELP!!!! They're gonna take advantage of my sweet, sensitive BODY!!!! NOOOO!!!  
Hitler: And as for you, little boy.

::Fuku gulped::

Hitler:(Smirking) Your coming in my room with me!

"Hitler's Room" 

::Fuku was thrown on the bed::

Fuku-san: Hey dude! Im just a little kid! Why dontcha just kill me man! I thought you were evil!

::Hitler blocked the door, licking his lips and winking at Fuku-san::

Hitler: That was just my cover up. Im fiscious out in the battlefield... but once I get in here, it's to the bedroom with a bottle of lotion and some whips for me!  
Fuku-san: Please! Don't rape me! Im too young to be raped!  
Hitler: Your never to young to be raped little kid.

::Hitler roled up his poster on the wall of Franklin Rosevelt in an Army Thong and tanktop and revieled a switch::  
::He switched it and Disco Lights came on::   
::Fuku ran for the door::  
::Hitler took out a long, flexible black whip and whipped his feet::

Fuku-san: OW!!! GODDAMNIT!!!  
Hitler: Your a naughty boy! Need to have a little floggy whoggy!

::Hitler bends Fuku over his bed and rapes him::  
::Fuku screams for a while... then gets a smile, and starts to enjoy it::

Hitler: It's relaxing isn't it. All those boys that are taken to those Prison Camps like Ravenclaw. They really don't go there, they go to my palace where I give them sentual pleasure!  
Fuku-san: Mmmmm... this feels so good my Hitler Bitch!   
Hitler: OH BABY! I told you so!!!

::Fuku never had interest in girls anymore after that sweet, passionate night of sex with Hitler::  
::He found his way back home, and was never right again:: 


	12. Episode 12: Fukusans Hope

Episode 12: S.I. 2

"Hazuki Residence" 

Fuku-san: RYO-SAN!!!! Where are my Playgirl Magazines?!?!?!?!?  
Ryo-san:(From the kitchen) I don't know Fuku-san. Geez. You think I read that shit?

::Fuku barged into Ryo's room and took out all the drawers, trying to find the magazines::  
::Suddenly a bunch of magazines fell onto the floor from the last drawer::

Fuku-san: AH HAH! Who are you trying to fool Ryo-san! Obviously not me 'cause I found my magazines and im gonna whoop your ass one day I swear!

::Fuku turned the magazines over and saw that it was Ryo's Playboy Magazines::   
::Catching a glympse of the half-naked woman on the cover, Fuku felt something in his pants arise that he'd never imagined to feel by looking at a half-naked woman::

Fuku-san:(Frantic Whisper) Oh my God!

"Kitchen" 

::Fuku darted into the kitchen::  
::Ryo was putting up a lamp which hung over the kitchen table::

Fuku-san:(Trying to catch his breath) RYO-SAN!!! OH MY GOD RYO-SAN!!!

::Ryo ignored him with a bored look::

Fuku-san: I GOT A BONER!!!!  
Ryo-san: Fuku-san please, I have work to do.  
Fuku-san:... FROM LOOKING AT YOUR PLAYBOY MAGAZINES!!!!

::Ryo, in shock, dropped the lamp and shattered it on the floor::  
::Everything had stopped. Even the wildlife outside had silenced::

Ryo-san:(Shocked) Your cursed...  
Fuku-san: No curse. Im as scared as you are. I don't know why I got it from looking at a girl but I did and it's freaking me out too! Oh my God Ryo-san! I-  
Ryo-san: SHHHHHH!!! SILENT! I have to see this.

"Ryo's Room" 

::Ryo and Fuku sat on Ryo's Bed::  
::Ryo popped in one of Fuku's Playgirl Tapes and sat down next to Fuku::

Ryo-san: Now your gonna watch this and im gonna examine your penis beneath your clothes to see if you've become straight. Ok? If you get a boner then your still gay.  
Fuku-san: Yeah Ryo-san! That makes me feel REAL comfortable! Just eye my fucking penis will ya?!??!!  
Ryo-san: SHHHHH!!! Your ruining the mood! Ok! HERE WE GO!

::Ryo pushed "PLAY"::  
::The video began to play::  
::Minutes went by of Ryo staring down at Fuku's Penis as he watched::

Fuku-san: Ummm... Ryo-san?

::Ryo starred at the penis, noticing that it wasn't going up::

Fuku-san: RYO-SAN! Your making me feel uncomfortable. Im not gonna be able to get horny if I have a noisy hawk eyeing down my penis!  
Ryo-san:(Snapping out of the trance) O-Oh... u-u-ummm... s-sorry. I'll watch the video.

::Ryo watched, occansionally glancing down at Fuku's penis::  
::A half an hour went by and NO boner::

Ryo-san:(Yawning) I can't believe I watched this gay shit for a half an hour. Maybe your sick Fuku-san? Go lay down. I know you can't become straight overnight.   
Fuku-san: No it's not just overnight Ryo-san. I've been feeling kinda horny over girls for a couple of days now. Just never got a boner until today.  
Ryo-san: We'll try again tommorow...

"The Next Day" 

::Fuku strolls into the kitchen to find some Hot Pockets::

Fuku-san: RYO-SAN! Where are my Hot Pockets?!??! You didn't eat them did you?!??!

::Ryo was nowhere to be found::  
::Fuku checked all around the house, then suddenly peaked into the bathroom and caught Ryo taking a shower behind the curtains::  
::The Hot Pockets were on the toilet right in front of the shower::  
::Fuku was soooo hungry and Hot Pockets were the only thing he could eat::  
::He crept in slowly and starred up at Ryo as he was sneaking::  
::Fuku's heart began to race::

Fuku-san:(Whisper) I can't take this.

::Fuku moved aside the curtain::

Ryo-san:(Screaming like a girl) AHHHH!!!!!  
Fuku-san: AHHHH!!!

::Ryo shot shampoo into Fuku's eyes::

Fuku-san:(Holding his eyes in pain) HOLY SHIT!!!! MY EYES!!! AHHHH!!!!  
Ryo-san: YOU GAY FUCKER!!!! OUT! OUT!!!!!

"Ryo's Room" 

Ryo-san: IT WAS A TEST YOU MORON!!!! A TEST!  
Fuku-san: I can swear to you im becoming straight Ryo-san! Just give me another chance!  
Ryo-san: HELL NO! You lost all your chances! I placed those Hot Pockets there to see what you would of done, and you fucked up your chance big time! NO MORE CHANCES!  
Fuku-san: PLEASE RYO!!! I'll give you all my Yu-Gi-Oh CARDS!  
Ryo-san: Nuh uh!!!  
Fuku-san: I swear on it!  
Ryo-san: Ok! One more chance!

"One Hour Later" 

::Fuku stood out in the hallway, waiting impatiently for Ryo to come out of his room::  
::Ryo walked out wearing a long blonde haired wig, shimmering pink dress, fake boobs, and high heels::

Ryo-san: Ok... Test Number Three! Assemble!   
Fuku-san: Say what?  
Ryo-san: That means stand in front of me.   
Fuku-san: Oh! Right!

::Fuku stood before Ryo::

Ryo-san: Relax Fukie Boy, your too tense. Now imagine me as a hott chik.   
Fuku-san: That's not too hard to imagine. You already look like one.  
Ryo-san: So! Still imagine. Imagine me... PAMLA ANDERSON! 

::Fuku started laughing::

Ryo-san: Stop your giggling, im serious! You wanna become straight or not??!?!!   
Fuku-san:(Chuckling) Y-Yes, p-please continue.

::Ryo holds his fake boob::

Ryo-san: Go on, grab it.  
Fuku-san: Ummm... g-grab it?  
Ryo-san: Go on you need physical reinsurance. Grab it.  
Fuku-san:(Wierded out) Oooookkkkkkkk.

::Fuku poked it::

Ryo-san: You call that a grab... pussy boy! 

::Fuku wrapped his whole hand around it::

Ryo-san: There you go! That's being a man! Rule Number One about guys Fuku-san... If a woman walks up to a guy and says "grab my ass", their gonna grab that piece of ass cake like there's NO TOMMOROW!!! And if a girl walks up to a guy and says "fuck me", their gonna fuck them 'til the break of dawn! See that's the thing about guys. We are lapdogs to the woman. If it's sexually, we do it. UNDERSTAND?!?!?!  
Fuku-san: Ummmm... y-yeah I guess. So you want me to fuck you?  
Ryo-san: NOOOO!!!!!!!! Goddamnit are you dumb or are you dumb??!?!?!  
I don't want you to fuck me! Now... squeeze those boobs!

::Fuku squeezed Ryo's fake boobs::

Ryo-san: Feel anything?  
Fuku-san: Yeah, the fake plaster of those boobs. How did you get these Ryo-san?  
Ryo-san: No! I mean in your pants! Are you getting a boner??!  
Fuku-san: Ryo-san! I can't get a boner feeling on you! You need to try harder! I need the real thing! 

::Ryo thinks::

Ryo-san: Ine-san! Get over here for a second!  
Fuku-san: NO! GOD NO! I mean like from a fresh, young girl.  
Ryo-san: NEVERMIND INE-SAN! Ok... I got the perfect place we can go Fuku-san! Prepare to partay!

"Yokosuka Strip Club Entrance" 

::Ryo walked up to a man outside::

Ryo-san: Two please. I have a friend.  
Man: Whoa! Fuku-san! He's coming in this "FEMALE" Strip Club?!?!   
Fuku-san: Yes... sure am.  
Ryo-san: Oh come on man! He finally opened up his eyes for a change! You know???!?! Realized the beauty of woman!  
Man: Ok Drama Queen, go on through.  
Ryo-san: Thanks.

"Inside Strip Club" 

Ryo-san: WELCOME FUKU-SAN! WELCOME TO PARADISE! See anything you like?   
Fuku-san: That bar over there.  
Ryo-san: NO MAN! Im talking about the women man!  
Check out that hott babe over there! She's smokin'! You got a boner yet?  
Fuku-san: Not yet.

::Ryo walked up to a stage and had Fuku look under a strippers skirt:: 

Ryo-san: You got a boner yet?  
Fuku-san: Nope. Not yet. 

::Ryo put his arm around Fuku::

Ryo-san: Got a boner yet?  
Fuku-san: It's rising.  
Ryo-san: FUKU-SAN!  
Fuku-san: WHAT?!?!?!  
Ryo-san: CONTROL YOURSELF!!!!  
Fuku-san: Sorry! Sorry! IM TRYING HERE! GOD! It's not easy you know?!?!

::Ryo and Fuku sat at the bar::  
::A girl walked up beside Fuku and sat down::  
::She eyed Fuku and winked::  
::Ryo hit Fuku with his shoulder::

Ryo-san:(Whispering) Now's your chance man. Make a move.  
Fuku-san:(Nervously) O-Ok... hehehe.  
Ryo-san: If it makes you feel any better, I'll whisper what you should say from behind. Ok?  
Fuku-san: Thanks.

::Fuku turned towards the girl::

Ryo-san:(Clearing Voice and shielding his mouth) You have the most beautiful eyes girl. Did you get them from an angel? 

::Fuku copyed what Ryo said to the girl in a nervous way::   
::The girl laughed::

Girl: No sweety. Why do you ask?   
Ryo-san: I just couldn't miss that lust, radiant shine that you let out tonight when you came across me at this bar.

::Fuku again copyed::

Girl: Awwww! Your SOOOOOO SWEET! I just wanna kiss you!

::The Bartender walked over to Ryo and handed him a Budweiser::

Ryo-san: So how much?  
Fuku-san: So how much? 

::The girl's eyes widened as she smacked Fuku across his face::  
::She stood up and darted away angerly::

Ryo-san: So anyways... you have the most faluctuent body...

::Fuku turned around::

Fuku-san: She's gone asshole! I got smacked right across my face! Mainly because she probably thought I thought she was a prostitute! Thank's to you!  
Ryo-san: Oh shit! Im sorry Fuku-san! I was asking for the price of this beer.  
Fuku-san YEAH SURE! Im never gonna get a girl! Im always gonna stay gay! Thanks to you!!! Your a lot of help! Thanks for being a friend to me!

::Fuku walked away crying::  
::The girl walked up to Fuku that was at the bar::

Girl: Sorry about that hunny. Did you mean how much was my drink so you could pay for it for me?

::Ryo stood behind the girl, nodding his head up and down::

Fuku-san:(Wipping the tears away) U-Ummm... yeah. I wanted to play for the d-drink. I j-just wanted to be nice.  
Girl: Sorry about that. Your such a sweetheart! AWWW!!!

::The girl gave him a hug::  
::Ryo danced in the background::

Ryo-san: Fuku's gonna get laid! YES! BY A GIRL! YES!  
Girl: So you wanna come back to my place darling?

::Fuku froze solid::

Ryo-san:(Hiding in fake coughs) YES! YES!!!!  
Fuku-san: Y-Yeah... I'd love to.  
Girl: Excellent! Or we can just get one of these rooms right here in the club?  
Ryo-san: YES!!! HELL YES!!! FUKU-SAN!  
Fuku-san: Yeah... s-sure! I'd love to get a room right here!

::She took Fuku's hand and led him towards the rooms::  
::Ryo gave Fuku a thumbs up as he was pulled::  
::Fuku gave him a thumbs up back::

"The Club Room" 

::The girl tossed Fuku on the bed and ripped off all of his clothes::

Girl: Ewwwww... naughty boy gonna get fucked like crazy tonight! YEEEHAAAWW!!!

::Ryo secretively picked the door and snuck in, hiding in one of the closets::

Girl: You wait right here while I get fixed up my sexy ape man!  
Fuku-san: Hahaha... ok! Can't wait!

::Fuku heard something moving in the closet::  
::He stood up, took his shoe and moved towards the closet::  
::He swung it open:: 

Fuku-san: Alright! Who's there?!?!?!  
Ryo-san:(Whisper) Shhhhhh!!! Fuku-san! It's me!  
Fuku-san:(Shocked)(Frantic Whisper) RYO-SAN?!?!  
Ryo-san: Yeah buddy. You can do it. Go for that pussy.  
Fuku-san: Get out!  
Ryo-san: Don't worry about me... I'll just watch.  
Fuku-san: Im not gonna fuck knowing your watching Ryo-san!  
Girl:(From bathroom) Baby! Who are you talking to!???!  
Fuku-san: Ohhh... hehehe... n-nowone... j-just talking to me dick to make me even hornier!  
Girl: Oh stop it sexy man! 

::The girl opened the door::  
::Fuku shut the closet quick and jumped back in bed::

Girl: Hey sexy! Let's go!

::The girl jumped on Fuku::  
::The lamp next to the bed was knocked over and the room turned pitch black::  
::Ryo opened the closet slowly and all he could hear was the sound of Fuku making out::  
::He kneeled next to the bed and listened in::  
::Fuku grabbed someone out of nowhere and bent them over the bed::

Fuku-san:(Whisper) This is for you Ryo-san. Im not gonna be gay a day longer.

::Fuku stuck his dick in the hole and moved back and forth::

Fuku-san: Yes! YOU LIKE THAT BABY! IM FUCKING YOU LIKE AN ANIMAL!!! ARGH!!! WHAT'S MY NAME GIRL!!! WHAT'S MY NAME!!! IM GAY NO LONGER!!! YES!!! IM FREE!!!  
Girl: What are you talking about? Im all the way over here at the door trying to find the Light Switch?

::Fuku froze solid::

Fuku-san: Then who am I-?

::The girl turned the light on::  
::Fuku had Ryo bent over the bed and had his dick in his ass-hole. Ryo was being sufficated by a pillow:: 

Girl: OH MY GOD!  
Fuku-san: OH MY GOD!!!!

::Fuku took the pillow off::

Ryo-san: Thanks for fucking me in the ass bitch! I knew you could never be straight!  
Fuku-san: It was an accident!!! NOOOO!!!!!! 


	13. Episode 13: Hazuki Song Festival 2!

Episode 13: S.I. 2

"Def Jam" 

::A Black Male with long, baggy pants and a long, white T'shirt with gold chains hanging down from his kneck fled onto the stage in front of thousands of cheering Black People::

Man: Waddup ma' negros! 

::The people cheered::

Man: I'd like to introduce, we all know 'em, the Hazuki Brothas!

::Ryo and Fuku ran up on the stage::  
::Ryo had on a black Ecko' Hoodie and baggy pants::   
::Fuku had gold chains all over him with a long black shirt and a gangster hoodie::

Ryo and Fuku: Wassup dawgs!

::The man handed the mic to Ryo::

Man: Drop it like it's hott dawg. 

::Ryo turned towards Fuku::

Ryo-san: This flows directed to you Fuku-san...   
RYO'S FLOW: 

1.) Hey yo, hey yo, check it, check it! OH!  
2.) Listen Fuku-san you gay ass bitch, 3.) there's something in my pants, oh! I think it's an itch!  
4.) You'd like to see that itch on my dick, wouldn't you my homie?  
5.) too bad my dick's locked up and saved for Nozomi.  
6.) All you do is sit around thinking about guys,   
7.) pondering on they're mo' fucking dick size!  
8.) Yo Fuku-san you need to get a girl,  
9.) 1. stick your head outcha' mo' fucking hole and realize there's a world!  
10.) Fuku you done make me sick,  
11.) all you do is sit at home waitin' to suck some dick.  
12.) Im out and about gettin' some pussy,  
13.) and not a man named Fuku-san who's a fuckin' wussy!  
14.) Negro get yout ass on track,  
15.) and stop fuckin' niggas from the back!  
16.) PEACE!

///////////////////////////////////////////////// 

::The crowd cheered as Ryo tossed the mic at Fuku:: 

Ryo-san: Suck my balls homie! You can't fuck wit' this!   
Fuku-san: I gotchu' ngg!   
FUKU'S FLOW:

1.) Oh, oh, uh oh! Ryo's flow! It sucks ass, im sorry to say so!  
2.) Ryo you go braggin' you have a large dick size,   
3.) that's a lie, if God only tryed,  
4.) to make your dick and everage size you fuckin' hick,  
5.) because we all be knowin' your dick is 1.5 inches thick!  
6.) You call me gay, I must say,   
7.) let's go back to one Saturday around noon,  
8.) when I caughtchu' undressing Lan Di in your room!  
9.) You were so turned on, you just wanted to take a lick,  
10.) hell you probably made that vengence bullshit up just to go suck his dick!  
11.) You be stunned at my ryhmes so just sit back and sobe,  
12.) im not the one who got bitched around by a Chinese Man in a black robe!  
13.) You aint all that, all you do is take a nap.  
14.) You can't rap, and you all be sittin' around waitin' to take a crap!  
15.) So shut your ass up, you know who can flow the best song,  
16.) im gonna go hit the bong, as you sit back all night long,  
17.) knowin' that all that bullshit you just flowed was WRONG!  
18.) PEACE my home dawgs!

///////////////////////////////////////////   
::The crowed cheered even louder for Fuku::

Fuku-san: What now biotch! Who's the best now!  
Ryo-san: ngg please, I could bitch yo' ass any day!  
Fuku-san: You got beef??!?  
Ryo-san: Yeah hoe! The whole COW!

"Hazuki Residence" 

::Ine-san sat at home and looked at Iwao's Picture:: 

Ine-san: Iwao, why did you have to pass away? I loved you so much.

::Ine-san shead a tear:: 

////////////////////////////////////////////////////   
INE-SAN"S SONG:

1.) Oh why, why did you have to leave me?  
2.) Iwao, couldn't you of seen that we had the perfect family.  
3.) But now that your gone, nothing seems to be going wrong,  
4.) so now im going to get off my old ass and party all night long!!!!

CHORUS:  
/////////////////////////////////////   
::Ine-san went to the Yokosuka Bar to get drunk::

5.) Im finally single again, yes it's true,  
6.) no more bitching, no more supplying, yes im through!  
7.) Im going to get some liquor, some vodka, and some rum,  
8.) and get a bunch of young boys to take me home and bang me like a drum!   
9.) When you died Iwao I was depressed for a while,  
10.) I weeped but then I realized my sad face turned into a smile,  
11.) because I felt good for you Iwao, I wished you well,  
12.) because I know your down there rotting in hell!!!!

CHORUS:

13.) YES! Im finally single again, yes im glad,  
14.) Iwao used to hit me and bone me too hard, he made me mad!

::Ine-san got a gun and fired at people::

15.) I feel so free, I wanna kill everyone so they'll know, 16.) that im not just some wrinkly ass hoe! 

///////////////////////////////////////////////////// 

"Hell" 

::Satan sat on his devil chair surrounded by flames as he overlooked hell::

Satan: Guards! GUARDS!

::Satan's Guards ran in front of his chair:: 

Satan: Bring forth Iwao, I need to speak with him.  
Guards: But Master... Iwao has been gone for hours!  
Satan: WHAT?!?!? 

"Hell's Local Dairy Queen" 

::Iwao and Marylin Monroe sat at a table eating a cone of Ice Cream:: 

Iwao: It's nice to have something cold once in a while down here.  
Marylin Monroe: I know. Isn't it so romantic?  
Iwao: Yeah. Im so glad I met you.  
Marylin Monroe: Wasn't today suppose to be your day with the Devil?  
Iwao: Oh come on! I don't have to spend every damn hour having sex with the clown!  
Marylin Monroe: How 'bout we go to the castle and get a room?

"Satan's Castle" 

Marylin Monroe: OH YES!!!!! IWAO!!! FUCK ME!!! FUCK ME!!!!

::Satan walked in::

Satan: GREAT FLAMING SALAMANDERS!!! IWAO!!!!!

::Iwao tossed the bedsheets off and saw Satan::  
::Iwao had lipstick all over him::  
::Marylin Monroe through her braw over her boobs, put on her underwear, and ran out of the room::  
::Satan set flames to her underwear as she went out::

Satan: How could you Iwao?!??! Everything that we had!   
Iwao: Satan! IM SORRY!

::Satan's eye watered::

Satan: I thought we shared something special together!  
::Satan cryed and ran out of the room::

Iwao: SATAN!!!

::Iwao cought up to him::  
IWAO'S SONG:

1.) Satan im so sorry for what I did,  
2.) my relationship with Marylin was a secret a shouldn't of hid.  
3.) She never compares to how good you are in bed,  
4.) so can I make this up to you by giving you some head? 

DEVIL'S SONG: 

1.) Iwao don't even try to comfort me,  
2.) you've already hurt me enough, can't you see?  
3.) I thought you told me I was your ultimate bitch,  
4.) so just leave me alone you nasty witch! 

::Iwao rubbed Satan's back::

////////////////////////////////////// 

IWAO'S SONG:

1.) Satan she was a singer and your the Devil,  
2.) no matter how hard she tryed she could never match up to yout level!  
3.) We shouldn't ruin our relationship over something so simple,  
4.) are you just going to throw way that romantic drive down Fire Lane, the good times we have under the stars, or even when I twist your left nipple? 

Satan:(Sniffling) Yes, those were some good times.  
Iwao: See! Now how can you throw away that?

::Satan jumped on top of Iwao::   
SATAN'S SONG:  
1.) Your right! It's true!  
2.) Nobody's better than you!  
3.) Why am I being such a cry baby,  
4.) im the Devil, so maybe,  
5.) we can get back together and pretend this never happened some sort,   
6.) and I'll take us to bed and get out the Flaming Pitchfork!   
IWAO'S SONG:

1.) Oh Satan baby! I knew you'd come to understand,  
2.) I could never find a sexier piece of muscle in this Flaming Land!  
3.) I could never forget that time you went all the way up to heaven to get me those lillies,  
4.) your the most adorable, power hungry man ever you little old silly!

////////////////////////////////// 

::The Devil felt his heart melt inside::  
::Iwao and he hugged and made up::

//////////////////////////////////   
SATAN'S SONG:

1.) Im also a very sensitive man Iwao, I did it because I love you,  
2.) I wanna get marryed, yes I do.   
3.) I was waiting for the right time to say,  
4.) and I believe the time to say would be today!   
::Iwao smiled brightly, taking out a dildo::

Iwao: Let's fuck!  
Satan: No Iwao! Is that all you think about?!?!? Is all you think about is sex?!?!? Im trying to be romantic here!!!

::Iwao put the dildo away::

Iwao: Oh my Satan Bitch, im sooooo sorry. I'll put it away for later. And you answer your sightful statement...   
IWAO'S SONG:

1.) Hell yeah baby! I would love you get marryed!  
2.) We could name our kid... what about Larry? SATAN'S SONG:

1.) No, Larry's too dull, try something scary!   
IWAO'S SONG: 

1.) How about Jacob, or James, and if it's a girl, how about Michelle?

///////////////////////////////////////////   
SATAN'S SONG:

1.) Oh come on Iwao baby, name them something evil, we're in hell!   
IWAO'S SONG: 

1.) I guess your right, afterall, the kid will take over Hell after your retired,  
2.) it's gotta be a named that'll be admired!   
SATAN'S SONG: 

1.) I just got really horny over this baby thing,  
2.) so why don't we figure this out later and take me to bed and make me sing!

::Satan winked::   
IWAO'S SONG: 

1.) Ok Satan! Off to bed!  
2.) Let's have sweet, passionate sex before we wed! 

::Iwao and Satan jumped in the bed::  
::Satan roared and the bedsheets got warm::

Iwao: Charming as usual baby!   
SATAN'S SONG: 

1.) But Iwao, I just thought of something that might make you shout,  
2.) but where will the baby come out?


	14. Episode 14: A proud day for Fukusan!

Episode 14: S.I. 2

"Hazuki Residence" 

::Ryo checked the Caller I.D near the 1. phone for Nozomi's Work Number::

Ryo-san: I can't believe I forgot her work number. I need to stop sniffing that Nail Polish, it's killing my Brain Cells.

::As Ryo searched, he came across a girls number on the I.D labeled: Hitga-san and it had Recent Message next to it:: 

Ryo-san:(Scratching his head) Who the hell?

::Ryo listened to the messages::

MESSAGE: Hey my sexy piece of ass! Im coming over tonight if that's alright with you? I really miss you and I love how you rub my back...

::Ryo's eyes grew big:: 

MESSAGE:... please call me tonight and let me know. I really miss you baby. Your body is sooooo fucking sexy!

Ryo-san: It can't be for Ine-san.

"Ine-san's Room" 

::Ryo walked in and eyed Ine-san as she watered the plants in her room::

Ryo-san: Ine-san?  
Ine-san: Yes? My Ryo Bitch?   
Ryo-san: Please dont call me that. Does the name Hitga-san ring any bells?  
Ine-san: Now that you mention it, a girl like that called last night. The message was cut short because someone picked up the phone halfway through it.

::Ryo thought::

Ine-san: Why don't you ask Fuku? Maybe it was for him?  
Ryo-san: FOR FUKU-SAN?!?!? Oh my God! Get a life! It couldn't of been for him! He's gay for crying out loud! I'll ask...  
"Outside of Fuku's Room" 

::Ryo was about to knock when he heard the sound of Fuku moaning::

Ryo-san:(Disgusted) Oh my God... 

::Ryo began to walk away when suddenly he heard a girl moaning too::  
::He lunged back to the door and held his ear up to it::  
::It sounded like Fuku and a girl moaning::

Ryo-san: Does Fuku make girl sounds when he moans? I gotta check this out. 

"Outside" 

::Ryo ran into his Next Door Neighbor's Yard and stood in front of Fuku's window. Just slightly so Fuku couldn't see him::  
::He peered through but only saw two people moving under Fuku's Blankets::  
::Suddenly Ryo heard a sound of something growling::  
::He turned around and a viscous dog attacked his leg::

Ryo-san:(Trying to be quiet so Fuku qouldn't hear) Down doggy. DOWN! Off. Get off!

::Ryo tryed to shake the dog off::  
::He took a hoe that was on the ground and started beating the dog with it::  
::The dog let go and stepped back, beginning to charge for Ryo again::  
::Ryo paniced and lunged through Fuku's window::  
::He landed on Fuku's Bed::   
::Fuku put his arms around Ryo::

Fuku-san:(With his eyes closed) How was I sweety?  
Ryo-san: OH MY GOD!!! GET OFF ME!!!! 

::Ryo stood up::  
::Fuku screamed::

Fuku-san: Oh my Lord! Im so sorry Ryo-san! I didn't know it was you!  
Ryo-san: Yeah fucking right you fag! You already got another dude under there! Why do you want me??!?!  
Fuku-san:(Smiling) Oh Ryo-san, but it's not a dude...

::Ryo laughed::

Ryo-san: What is it? A monkey? HAHAHAAH!

::A hott, blonde haired girl with blue eyes popped out from under the bedsheets::  
::Ryo stood speechless::The girl began making out with Fuku::  
::Ryo stood there and starred, amazed at seeing Fuku make out with a girl:: 

Fuku-san:(Clearing his voice) Excuse me Ryo... could you please leave me and the lady alone for another hour or so? We have some buisness to finish.

::Fuku and the girl laughed::  
::Ryo walked out, not being able to shut his mouth::

"One Hour and Sixteen Minutes later" 

::Ryo sat in the kitchen::  
::Fuku walked out in a bathrobe and escorted the girl to the door::

Fuku-san: I had a wonderful time baby.

::Ryo walked closer and listened in::

Girl: Me too. Maybe we can do it again sometime.  
Fuku-san: Hahahaha... im looking foward to it. 

::Fuku opened the door for her::

Girl: Call me!   
Fuku-san:(Waving) I will!

::Fuku shut the door and walked up to the kitchen::

Fuku-san:(Briefly turning towards Ryo) Hey.

::Fuku made himself some coffee, having the happiest face any man could have::  
::Ryo spent at least thirty minutes standing there watching Fuku drink his coffee and smiling brightly::   
::Fuku seemed to not of noticed Ryo standing there the whole time, he was just in his own little world::

Ryo-san: Hey! Mr. Rogers! Wake up!

::Fuku continued to drink::

Fuku-san: Oh sorry Ryo, didn't know you were there.  
Ryo-san: I think I need to know what's going on!  
Fuku-san: I just had sex with the most beautiful girl in existence. What's too hard to understand about that?  
Ryo-san: Well ummm... let's see... you were kinda GAY!!!!   
Fuku-san: That's "were". Im a changed man now. Remember when I wanted to become straight that time we went to that club and I ended up fucking you? Well I've learned that gayness is just not meant for me. Im meant for something much greater than gayness. 

::Ryo walked up to Fuku and knocked him on the head:: 

Ryo-san: THAT'S WHAT IM FUCKING TALKING ABOUT!!!! FINALLY GOD HAS AWOKEN YOU!!!!! GET YOUR STRAIGHT ASS UP! WE GOIN' TO MAKE YOU A PIMP FUKU-SAN!

"Downtown Dobuita" 

Ryo-san: Hey dawgs. This is Fuku-san. My stepbro.

::Ryo's friends stood in front of him::

Friend: Hey yo Ryo, isn't that dude gay?  
Ryo-san: He was, but now he's finally straight like us!

::Fuku waved::

Fuku-san: Hey guys!

::Ryo's friends surrounded Fuku and eyed him down::

Friend: His ass is still perky like a gay guy.  
Fuku-san: And how would you know unless your gay?

::All the guys laughed::

Ryo-san: He does have a point. HAHAHA!

::Suddenly all of Fuku's friends come out of nowhere and walked in a straight line towards Ryo's friends::  
::Fuku's friends were pink, fluffy shirts and tight, shimmering yellow pants::  
::They all had gay lisps::

Fuku's friends: Hey! What are you doing with our guy!

::Ryo's friends stood in a line and crossed their arms tuffly::

Fuku-san: Go away guys! Im not gay anymore!  
Ryo-san: You heard the man! Back the fuck off!  
Ryo's friends: Yeah. Ya see this is how it goes down: your friend here is no longer a fag, so ummm... why don't you guys go off and have yourselves a little Gay Gang Bang or something.  
Fuku's friends: Oh please you little silly willy! 

::Fuku's friends flipped their hands at Ryo's friends and shaked their asses::  
Fuku's friends: We have to much groove for you guys!

::They all squeeled::

Ryo-san: God help me. Why don't you guys go fuck yourselves!  
Fuku's friends: With pleasure!

"Yokosuka Cloth shop" 

Ryo-san: Let's do some shopping my main man.

::Ryo picked out some purple suits, shimmering jewlrey and some leather hats::

Fuku-san: I be pimpin' hardcore!  
Ryo-san: Hell fucking yeah! Now we gotta getcha' a car!

::Ryo took Fuku and got him a purple and clack car with hydrolics::

Fuku-san: How are you able to pay for all of this?

"Hazuki Residence" 

::Ine-san got her Platinum Master Card Bill::

Ine-san: HOLY SHIT!!!! RYO-SAN!!!!

"Yokosuka All Night Out Guys Club" 

::Ryo and Fuku pulled up to the club, bouncing up and down from the hydrolics::

Fuku-san: This shit is kickin' Ryo-san!   
Ryo-san: Your the man pimp on Yokosuka tonight Fuku-san! Haveyourself a blast man!

::They walk in::

Fuku-san: There's some fine looking girls here.  
Ryo-san: Yeah bro. Wanna get layed tonight Fuku-san?  
Fuku-san: Oh fo' sho!

::Ryo laughed::

Ryo-san: Then let's get to work!

::Ryo sat down at the bar with Fuku and eyed the girls::  
::A couple girls came up to them and grabbed Fuku's hand and brought him to the dancefloor::

Ryo-san: Go ahead Fuku-san! Shake yourself for those girls!!!!  
::Fuku danced like crazy::  
::Soon more hott girls began to join Fuku-san, followed by more and more::  
::Soon it seemed as if the whole club of girls were around him::  
::Ryo soon began to get a little jealous::  
::He went up there and tryed to start dancing with the girls but they all ignored him and focused on Fuku::  
::Ryo felt left out and walked back over to the bar:: 

Ryo-san:(Mad and Jealous) That's it! If Fuku wants to be like that and take all the girls, im just gonna take them away from him! 

"Outside the club" 

::Ryo walked across the street to the phonebooth::  
::He used the phone book and dialed the clubs number::

Club Manager: Hello?  
Ryo-san: THERE'S A BOMB IN THE BUILDING!!! EVERYONE OUT!!! QUICK!!! A BOMB!!! YA HEAR ME!!!!

::Ryo hung up::  
::He turned towards the clubs entrance and looked at his watch::

Ryo-san: Three, two, one...

::The doors busted open and everyone fled out onto the streets::

Ryo-san: HAHAHA! IT WORKED!!!

::Minutes went by and no Fuku::

Ryo-san: Where the hell is he?

::All of a sudden Fuku came out, locking a man by his arms that had a bomb attached to him::  
::He tossed the man on the ground and knocked him uncontious::

Girls: Oh your soooo brave!!!

::Several girls surrounded Fuku::

Girls: You saved us! You saved us from that man with the bomb!!! Your sooo brave!!!

::Ryo stood with his fists balled and his face almost turning red::

Ryo-san: THERE WAS ACTUALLY A BOMB IN THERE?!?!??! GODDAMNIT!!!!  
AND HE STILL ENDS UP WITH THE CHIKS!!! FUCK!!!  
"Local Bar" 

::Ryo sat at the bar, depressed and drunk Jack Daniels:: 

Bartender: Rough night?  
Ryo-san:(Sniffling) I can't get no girls.  
Bartender: Yeah, same here.

::The Bartender lifted up his shirt::  
::Three nipples were exposed::  
::Ryo choked on his drink::

Bartender: I know it sucks. So look at me. I work at a bar when I should be out getting layed. Oh well, that's my life for you. Just be grateful for what you have.  
Ryo-san: I have nothing. Everything is ruined.

::Fuku sat next to Ryo out of nowhere::

Fuku-san: Vodka On The Rox. Thanks.   
Ryo-san:(Depressed tone) What are you doing here?  
Fuku-san: I saw you come in here. What's wrong?  
Ryo-san Don't talk to me. There's no way you could possibly know.  
Fuku-san: Is it because of all those girls?  
Ryo-san: Hell no! I can get many girls!   
Fuku-san: Then why aren'st you out there getting them instead of sitting in here being a little crybaby and getting drunk?  
Ryo-san: BECAUSE LIFE SUCKS THATS WHY!!!!

Old man:(Three chairs down) Hell yes!  
Fuku-san: I thought you wanted me to be straight and not gay?  
Ryo-san: Why dont'cha just go back to how you were. It'd make things a whole 'lot better.  
Fuku-san: You once told me Ryo how I needed to be free, and how I was too sucked into what I thought was best for me.  
Ryo-san: Yeah yeah yeah. Bartender! I want another Jack Daniels!  
Fuku-san: You told me that you could see something inside of me that was just dying to come out. You just knew. And know your sitting here just losing hope. I pity you Ryo-san. All those lectures you gave to me, all those things you put up with and I was too blinded to see, and now your just giving up and sitting here getting drunk off your ass!  
Old man: HELL YES!!   
Fuku-san: Psh... if your gonna do that shit, then you not the brother I thought I had.

::Fuku got off the chair and began to walk out::

Bartender: You know he's right.  
Ryo-san: Shut up! You don't even know what we're talking about!  
::Ryo thought hard::

Ryo-san: FUKU-SAN WAIT!!!

::Fuku stopped::  
::Ryo ran up to Fuku, stumbling over and almost hitting a chair::

Ryo-san: Sorry I got a little buzz.  
Fuku-san: I can see that.  
Ryo-san: Fuku-san! I thought about it! Your right! What am I doing here?!?! This is not for me?!?!? This is not what I imagined I would turn into.  
Fuku-san: Then don't turn into it!   
Ryo-san: Your right!  
Fuku-san: Hey, and if it makes you feel better, you should dress pimp too! It might get you as many girls as I had.  
Old man: HELL FUCKING YES!!!!

::The Old man choked on a olive and died::

::Ryo and Fuku both dressed pimp and went clubing that night::  
::They got along good and got several girls each::

Ryo-san: You know Fuku-san, I can get used to partying with you every night from now on.  
Fuku-san: Yeah! Me too!  
Ryo-san: HECK YA!!! PARTAY ALL NIGHT LONG EVERY NIGHT!!!   
Fuku-san: Damn straight!!!! 


	15. Episode 15: Hi I'm Ryo, Ryo Hazuki

Episode 15: S.I. 2

"A Bench out in the middle of nowhere" 

::Ryo sat on a bench in a white suit and a box of chocolates in his lap::  
::A black girl sat next to him, reading a book::  
::Ryo turned towards the girl::

Ryo-san: Hi, im Ryo, Ryo Hazuki.

::He held the box of chocolates up to her::

Ryo-san: Do you want some? I could eat about one and a half of these. if I eat anymore I take some really huge shits. Hey, these chocolates are dark. Kinda like you. Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. Ya never know what your gonna get, until you look at the label. That phrase would of made sense if Candy Boxes didn't have labels. Ya know?  
::Ryo looked at the black girls shoes::

Ryo-san:(Pointing at the shoes) Those must be comfortable shoes. Momma said you can tell a lot about a person by their shoes: Where they've been and what they've done. I stepped in some Dog Shit on my way down here so I say my reputation's pretty fucked.  
Girl: What didn't yo momma tell you! She sounds like a lecturing bitch!  
Ryo-san: Oh momma told me lots of things. I remember when I was young...

Narrator Ryo-san 

////////////////////////////////////////////////////// 

"Sendai, Japan. A small town. 1975" 

::Ryo walked alongside his mom with braces on his feet::

Narrator: I had braces on my legs when I was young. Something was wrong with my legs or something. Momma said something happened to them when I was coming out of her cave when I was born. She never did tell me what though.

Ryo-san: Momma! Why people be callin' me gay at school?  
Momma: Ryo, listen to me baby. Your no gayer than anyone else in this world. If God wanted everyone to be straight he would of made us all straight!

::Ryo and his mom got to their house::   
::Ryo's mom took him up on the porch::

Momma: Remember Ryo, you are NO DIFFERENT from anyone else... YOU ARE NOT GAY... 

"School of the Gifted" 

Principle: Your son is gay Mrs. Hazuki. I saw how he stared at the boys asses as they were stretching at the evaluation.  
Momma: Well Mr. Tranny-san, we're all different!  
Narrator: Momma wanted me to get the finest education. I really was not gay, I just went through that phase that every young boy goes through. Ya know? For attention and all.

"Ryo's House" 

Narrator: Our house was never empty. Sometimes we had so many people staying with us, every room was filled with travelers.

::A man walked in with a Machine Gun::

Man: Im gonna blow you all to fucking hell! GIVE ME ALL YOUR GODDAMN JEWELRY!!!

Narrator: We got robbed a lot too. Momma was too nice. One time, a man stayed with us. He had himself an Alcohol Case.

::Elvis handed Ryo some Vodka::

Ryo-san: No thanks. Im not a drunk.  
Elvis: MY LIFE IS RUINED!!!!! I just killed my wife, robbed a bank, and now im her hidding out in Japan from the cops!!! IM SOOOO SCREWED!!!!   
Ryo-san: Don't worry buddy, your secret is safe with me.  
Elvis: Thanks man.

::Ryo walked downstairs::

Ryo-san: WE GOT A MURDERER UP IN HERE, EVERYONE SCATTER!!!!

::Everyone fled the house::

"Outside of the house" 

Narrator: Heck! I remember the bus ride on the first day of school.

::The bus pulled up in front of Ryo::  
::The doors opened::  
::Ryo stood and starred at the Bus Driver::  
::She smoked about three cigarettes at one time::  
::She coughed perfusely::

Ryo-san: Are you ok? Momma told me not to be taking rides from Drug Addicts.  
Bus Driver: This is the bus to school.  
Ryo-san: Let me have a puff of that smoke maker!

::Ryo took a cigarette and smoked it::

Ryo-san: Well now we both are Drug Addicts aren't we?

::Ryo got on the bus::

Boy in a seat: YOU CAN SIT HERE!!!  
Other boy: YOU CAN SIT HERE!! COME ON!!!

Narrator: I don't remember being born, I don't remember taking my first piss, I don't remember the first time I shaved my pubes, but I do remember the time when I heard the ugliest voice in the whole wide world!!!  
Girl: You can't sit here you loser!!!   
Ryo-san: Then that makes us friends right?  
Narrator: I had never seen something so hideous in my life. She was like the Swamp Thing.

::Ryo sat down next to her::  
Driver: CLOSE YOUR EARS CHILDREN!!! APPROACHING GHETTO NEIGHBORHOOD!!! GET OUT YOUR AK-47'S!!!

::The kids took out their guns and pointed them out the windows, firing them at the people. The people fired back::   
::The bus drove on by::  
::Nozomi felt on Ryo's Dick:: 

Nozomi: What's wrong with you dick?  
Ryo-san: Well nothing at all thank you! My dick is just fine and dandy!  
Nozomi: It aint going up and im feelin' on ya!  
Narrator: I just sat on that bus and imagined her as a man.  
Nozomi: Are you gay or something?   
Ryo-san: Momma said a fag is a fag does.  
Narrator: From that day on, me and Nozomi were always together! We were like flies on shit. She taught me how to stroke her back, and I taught her how to resesitate a cow! She taught me how to squeal like a girl when we were in dark places, and I showed her how to squirt milk from her nipples.

"Path from school" 

::Ryo and Nozomi were walking about together with their books::  
::Kids came up from behind the tossed dirt at Ryo::

Kids: Hey idiot!!!  
Nozomi: RUN RYO!!! RUN AWAY!!! RUN RYO, RUN!!!  
Ryo-san: Fuck that shit!!!

::Ryo went up to the kids and shoved their heads in the ground::

Ryo-san: DON'T FUCK WITH ME AGAIN YOU COCKSUCKERS!!!!

"Path from school about ten years later" 

::The same kids tossed dirt at Ryo:: 

Nozomi: RUN RYO! RUN!!!

::The kids all piled up in their Lawn Mower and drove after him::

Kids: COME HERE STUPID!!!!

::Ryo out ran them and jumped over a fence, tripping on the top::

Ryo-san: GODDAMNIT!!!  
Narrator: Now it used to be, I ran to get where I was goin'. I never thought it would take me anywhere.

::Ryo ran towards the Grand Canyon:: 

Ryo-san: OH SHIIIIITTT!!!

::Ryo ran off::

Narrator: I also went into the army.

"Army Bus" 

::Ryo got on and approached the Army Driver::

Ryo-san: Hi im Ryo, Ryo Hazuki.  
Driver: Hi nice to meet you buddy. Get on and have a wonderful ride.  
Ryo-san: Thanks.

::The driver slapped Ryo's ass as he walked by::

Driver: Fine piece of ass you are, eh?

::Ryo searched for a seat::

Man: You can sit here is you want to.

::Ryo sat down next to the man:: 

Man: Ever been on a real Shrimp Boat?  
Ryo-san: No, but I've been on a real big boat.  
Man: Like the Titanic?  
Ryo-san: No, like the Aragonator.  
Man: What's that?  
Ryo-san: This big boat I built out of leggos when I was young.

::Ryo looked down at the man's briefcase and heard a ticking sound::

Ryo-san: What's the sound?  
Man: A bomb.  
Ryo-san: Oh... cool.  
Man: My real name is Benjamin Buferd Blue, but people call me Boobie. 

Narrator: Boobie was from a family tradition of shrimp. Boobie's mom cooked shrimp...

::Boobie's mom walked into a room and placed a bowl of shrimp on front of a man::  
::The man ate the soup and started choking and died::  
Narrator: And her momma before her cooked shrimp...

::Boobie's mom walked into a room and placed a bowl in front of a man::  
::The man ate it and started shitting uncontrollably::

Narrator: Boobie's mom knew everything there was to know about choking and shitting.  
Boobie: As a matter or fact, im going into the Shrimping Buisness right after I get out of the army.  
Ryo-san: Remind me not to buy any when ya sell it to me.

"Vietnam War Site" 

Narrator: Now it was suppose to be the Americans fighting the Vietnamese, but they ended up all piling up in a plane and the pilot got drunk or something.

::Plane flied towards the ocean:: 

Pilot: I CAN SEE SPONGEBOB!!! COME HERE LITTLE FELLOW!!! 

::Plane crashed and blew up::

Narrator: So the Japanese ended up fighting.

::Ryo and Boobie were at the Soldier Campsite::  
::They walked up to Leautenant Dan::

Dan: So you must be my FNG's?

::Ryo and Boobie saluted Dan::

Ryo and Boobie: GOODMORNING SIR!!!  
Dan: Get your hands down! Do not salute me! Their are goddamn snipers all around this area who would love to greece an officer!!!

::The Vietnamese Snipers starred through their scopes at Bakini Girls asses in Cancun, Mexico:: 

Sniper: This beats the hell out of that fucking war!  
2nd Sniper: Fuck yeah!

::Dan looked at Boobie's Chest::

Dan: What's wrong with your chest?  
Boobie: I was born with big boobs sir.  
Dan: Well you better tuck that in. You don't want any of those horny Viatnamese Soldiers mistakening you for a woman.   
Narrator: I felt real lucky he was my leautenant. He was from a long, great military tradition: someone in his family were bent over and molested by an opposing soldier in every single American War. I guess you can say he had a lot of live up to.  
::Dan bent over a table to get some food::  
::A man stopped him and covered his ass-hole::

Man: BE CAREFUL LEAUTENANT!!!

"Vietnam Countryside" 

::Ryo and Boobie walked with the soldiers and Dan::

Narrator: I got to see a lot of the countryside. We sometimes would take these real long walks and encounter a Pizza Hut Stall or a McDonalds on the way too. The soldiers got hungry a lot. Leautenant Dan was always gettin' these funny feelings everytime a soldier or a farmsmen looked at his ass the wrong way so he'd tell us to, "Get down! Cover your ass-holes!"

Dan: GET DOWN!!! COVER YOUR ASS-HOLES!!! 

::The soldiers cleared to the side of the path and kneeled down::

Narrator: So we did. I got a good glymspe of his triple layered pants too. The good thing about war is there was always something to do!

::Ryo stood next to a hole::  
::It was blown open by a rocket::  
::Ryo got down in the hole to check it::  
::Hitler sat in there::

Hitler: SHHHHH!!!!  
Ryo-san: I thought you were dead??!?!  
Hitler: Please don't tell anyone im in here! There's this dickhead named Osama Bin Laden that'll give the world problems later on. If you let me go, I'll send some of my men to poison his Gerber Baby Food.  
Ryo-san: DEAL!  
Narrator: One day, we were walking down this path, and then all these fireworks just started going off.

::Everyone around Ryo were getting shot::  
::Ryo took his gun and hide behind a hill::  
::Explosions went off everywhere::

Dan: WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!!!

::Ryo fled off into the woods::

Boobie: RYO!!! RYO WAIT UP!!! I need you to give me a Piggy Back Ride!!  
Ryo-san: OK!!!  
::Ryo gave Boobie a Piggy Back Ride until he ran so far, Boobie slipped off somewhere::

Narrator: I ran so far and so fast, I realized that Boobie had slipped off. Pretty soon, I was all by myself which was a bad thing.

Ryo-san: BOOBIE!!!!!!  
Bird: Yes, you have nice ones.  
Ryo-san: I wasn't talking to you!

::Ryo ran back into the woods::

Narrator: Boobie was my best good friend I had to make sure he was ok.

::Soon Ryo spotted planes flying over the forest and dropping nukes::  
::Ryo turned back and headed for the lake::

Ryo-san: FUCK BOOBIE!!!! IM RUNNING!!!!

::He encountered a a huge Weed Plant on his run back to the lake::  
::He stuffed as much as he could in his pockets and continued running::  
::He grabbed as many survivors as he could on his run back::  
::Soon, he caught Dan having Phone Sex while laying on the ground::  
::Dan had his hands in his pants with both of his legs blown off::  
::Ryo picked him up and ran:: 

Dan: Leave me! LEAVE ME!! I wanna have some enjoyment before I die!!!

::Ryo was now carrying about eight people on his back::  
::He dropped them all off near the lake::  
::An alligator popped up and started eating some of the men::

Ryo-san: BACK!!! GET BACK!!!

"Shrimping Boat" 

Narrator: Bobbie died, so I ended up taking over the Shrimping Buisness for him!

::Ryo drove a Shrimping Boat::   
::He brought up a Shrimping Net out of the water to see what shrimp he caught::  
::He found a dead body, Jack Sparrow's Treasure Map, a sign that shouted," OJ DID IT!!!!", and a bomb::  
::...wait! A BOMB?!?!?

Ryo-san: ABANDON SHIP!!!! 

::Ryo jumped off the ship::  
::The ship exploded::Ryo later talked to the man who sold him the ship::

Man: Hey! You ever think abut naming your boat? It's bad luck to have a boat without a name!  
Narrator: I'd never named a boat before, or anything for that matter. Well, except my Index Finger. I named it Stinky. That's because I used to wake up every night and it smelled like ass. And the funny thing was, I dreamt about having sex those nights too. Oh well. I named my boat the most beautiful name in the whole wide world.

::Ryo named it "The Hooker Express":: 

::One day Ryo was driving his boat when he saw Leautenant Dan in his wheelchair on a dock::  
::Ryo jumped off the boat and swam up to him::

Ryo-san: Leautenant Dan!!! How have you been?!?!?   
Dan: How have you been?  
Ryo-san: Good!

::Dan spotted a boat behind Ryo full of partying hookers in bakini's with beer in their hands::

Ryo-san: That's my boat.  
Dan: Can I be your first mate?

::Later on that night, a storm raged. Dan sat up on the boat and shouted like a beast::

Dan: YOU CALL THIS A STORM!!!!!! THIS IS A SHOWDOWN!!! JUST YOU AND ME GOD!!!!! COME AND GET ME!!! WOOOOOOOOOHHHH!!!!! YOU'LL NEVER TAKE THIS BOAT!!! YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME!!!

::Suddenly a bolt of lightning came down from the sky and struck him::

Dan: AHHHHHHHHH FUCK!!!!!! 

::The next day, Leautenant Dan sat near the railing of the boat::

Dan: Ryo, I never thanked you for saving my life. 

::Dan tryed to get up in the railing of the ship, but fell::   
::He tryed again, but fell::

Ryo-san: OH FUCK IT!!! 

::Ryo picked up Dan's Legless Body and tossed him off the boat::  
::Dan began swimming away, towards the beautiful sunset:: 

Narrator: He never actually said so, but I think he finally made his piece with God.

::A hook suddenly got caught in Dan's back::  
Dan: OWCH!!! GODDAMNIT!!!!  
God: That bitch didn't make no piece with me after saying that shit!!!

::The fisherman reeled Dan in::  
::A shark popped out of the water and ate Dan whole::

Ryo-san: Bye Leautenant Dan! I'LL MISS YOU!!!   
Narrator: One day, outta the blue, clear sky, I got a letter from Nozomi wondering if I could come down to Okinawa and see her... 

"Bench in Okinawa. 2005" 

Ryo-san:... and that's what im doing here. Im suppose to get on the Number 69 Bus to Akie Street, get off there. Walk several blocks to the Sema's Station, get on the Number 420 Bus and go about a mile around Henen and then get off there. Ride Bus 81 back to Akie Street, get off there. Walk about five miles and get on Number 45 Bus then im there. Apartment 000 in the Konner Apartments.  
Lady: Why! You don't need to take a bus! Konner Apartments is right across the street! 

::There was a big sign that intitled "KONNER'S APARTMENTS" right across the street::

Ryo-san: THERE IT IS!!!

::The lady slapped him::

Lady: COULD YA BE ANY DUMBER YA DUMBASS!!!!  
Ryo-san: It was nice talking to you! 

::Ryo fled across the street and was hit by a car::  
::Bill Clinton sat in the car with his head leaned back::

Bill Clinton: What was that?!?!?

::Monica Lewinski got up from sucking his dick::

Monica Lewinski: I didn't see anything!   
Bill Clinton: Well keep sucking then bitch!

"Nozomi's Room" 

::Ryo knocked on the door::  
::Nozomi answered::

Nozomi: RYO!?!? HOW ARE YOU DOING???!?! COME IN! COME IN!

::Ryo walked in::Nozomi ran in and cleared all the leather whips and condoms of the table::  
::A man came out in a leather, black outfit::

Man: HEY HOE! Where's the bathroom?!?!  
Nozomi: Oh Ryo! This is Zed! He's my Cleaner Man!!!!   
Man: No im not! I payed for you to give me-

::Nozomi shielded his mouth::  
::She tossed him back in the room filled with about eight other guys the same way who stumbled around drunk with a Disco Ball on the ceiling::

::Ryo handed Nozomi the box of chocolates::

Nozomi: Thanks Ryo!

::She opened it and loads of white powder launched into her face::

Ryo-san: ANTHRAX!!!!! HAHAHAAH!!!!  
::A woman knocked on the door::   
::Nozomi answered and picked up a kid::

Woman: So how's buisness?  
Nozomi: Oh you know, same as usual, laying back and taking it deep.

::Nozomi walked up to Ryo with the kid:: 

Nozomi: This is my good friend Ryo Hazuki.  
Kid: Hello Mr. Hazuki. You like like an elf. Your ears are pointy and your nose-   
Nozomi: BITCH!!!! DID I TELL YOU TO CRITICIZE HIM!?!?!?! 

::Nozomi took a glass vase and smashed it upside the kids head::  
::The kid cryed::

Nozomi: Now go watch some TV you whiny BITCH!!!!  
Ryo-san: Your a momma Nozomi!!!  
Nozomi: Im a momma! His names Setow-san, after his father.  
Ryo-san: LIKE ME!   
Nozomi: No, your Ryo.  
Ryo-san: GODDAMNIT!!!

::Setow-san came out of the room::

Setow: That's right! Im the fucking father!!! I banged that hoe like a Salvation Army Drum!!!  
Nozomi: SETOW-SAN!!! DO YOU MIND?!?!?  
Setow: Sorry...  
Ryo-san: Can I go talk to that kid?  
Nozomi: Sure!  
::Ryo walked over to Setow-san Jr. and sat down next to him::

Ryo-san: What'cha watchin'?  
Setow-san Jr: Bert and Erny.  
Ryo-san: That shit sucks!!!! Wanna watch something cool!

::Ryo turned on Baywatch::

Ryo-san: That chiks hott! Isn't she?!?!? I'd have a private boat ride with her anyday!  
Setow-san Jr: Hell yeah! BAYWATCH IS FUCKING AWESOME!!!!

"Okinawa Park" 

::Setow-san Jr. swung on the swings while Ryo and Nozomi talked on a bench::  
::A whole bunch of men in black outfits ran over to Setow-san and punched him in his stomach, shielding his mouth and throwing him against a tree. Than they tossed him in the back of their van and drove off without Ryo or Nozomi noticing::

Nozomi: Ryo, im sick.  
Ryo-san: Hey! As long as your good in bed that's fine with me!  
Nozomi: It's some sort of virus and the doctors don't know what it is and they can't do anything about it.  
Ryo-san: Well... you can come live with me Nozomi. You and little Setow-san.   
Nozomi: Ahhh... he was kidnapped. The little runt deserved it anyways.  
Ryo-san: I'll take care of you if your sick.  
Nozomi: Will you marry me Ryo?  
Ryo-san: Wait! Where is this virus?   
Nozomi: Somewhere near my vagina area.  
Ryo-san: You let them feel down there?!?!  
Nozomi: They were doing tests Ryo!  
Ryo-san: Oh... well is your vagina still fuckable?  
Nozomi: I don't think so.

::Ryo punched her in the face::

Ryo-san: I aint marrying you! You diseased little hoe! Get the fuck out of here!   
Nozomi: HA! APRIL FOOLS!!!  
Ryo-san: It's October.  
Nozomi: Well! Why do you gotta be so smart all the time!  
Ryo-san: Ummmm...

::Nozomi hit him in the balls::

Nozomi: Im kidding! HAHAHAHA!  
Ryo-san: Well are we going to get married or not?!?!?  
Nozomi: Of course! Ryo-san: Well then let's go! 

::Nozomi turned towards the camera::

Nozomi: I really do have a disease. Muahahahah! 


	16. Episode 16: Ryo's Wedding

One dark, dreary night, Ryo Hazuki was home by himself, watching a Scary Movie and eating some popcorn. Quite the perfect night to be murdered if you ask me. Thunder roared outside, the house shook, and the lights flickered. If you are reading this, then death may come to you in Seven Days. Tommorow you will feel a slight tinkle on your upper back which will soon swearm down to your lower back causing major paranoia. MAUAHAHAHA!!!! 

::Screen zoomed into Ryo's face::  
::Scary music played:: 

"Hazuki Residence" 

Ryo-san:(Screaming in terror) AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

::Ryo's Phone rang::  
::He answered it::

Ryo-san: Hello?  
?????: Whats your favorite Scary Movie?

::Ryo laughed::

Ryo-san: Hahahahha... cut the crap Ine-san!

::Ryo opened Ine-san's Room Door and realized her cell was still there::

Ryo-san: Hahahahaha... cut the crap Fuku-san!  
????: This isn't no Fuku-san BITCH! Your gonna be the innocent victim who gets gutted like a fucking fish tonight!

::Ryo looked at the Caller I.D.::

Ryo-san: Jamid-san?  
?????: Who's he?  
Ryo-san: Obviously you. ?????: Goddamnit! I thought I dialed #67 so my name wouldnt be known!!!   
Ryo-san: OK man. Well, it was nice playing games with you. Later...  
?????: Im in your house... MAUAHAHAHA!!!!  
Ryo-san: Are you really? Hahahahaha, I gotta go man. See ya.

::Suddenly Ryo heard the toilet flush around the hallway::

????: Told you. HAHAHAHA!!!

::Ryo took out a knife from the drawer:: 

Ryo-san: Im armed damn you! I'll kill you I swear!!! LEAVE NOW!!!

::Ryo walked out into the hallway::  
::The killer stood behind a corner, covering the bottom of the phone and chuckling constantly::

????: Do you know where I am? (Covering his mouth) hahahahaha!

::Fuku walked into the house with the new Splinter Cell game::

Fuku-san: Hey Ryo-san. I just bought- 

::The killer ran up behind Ryo:: 

Fuku-san:(hesitantly)...and I gotta go!

::Fuku fled the house::  
::Ryo ran into the kitchen and circled around the table with the killer following close behind::  
::Minutes went by::  
::The killer stood at one end of the table while Ryo stood at the other::  
::The killer took out his inhaler and took a puff::

Killer: I need to get more exercise. Damn!

::Ryo heard the beeping noise that sounded when the pizza was read in the oven::  
::The killer stood on the side of the table near the oven::

Ryo-san: Hey killer dude, you mind taking that pizza out for me? Make yourself useful since you can't reenact the guy from Scream.  
Killer: Sure.

::The killer took the pizza out and burnt himself::  
::The layed it on the table::

Ryo-san: Cut me a slice will you.  
Killer: Can I have a piece?  
Ryo-san: Of course! Just promise not to kill me if I do say "yes". Killer: No promises man, but it'll lower your chances of being gutted.  
Ryo-san: Looks like we got a deal then.

::Ryo and the killer stood and ate pizza::  
::Ryo noticed that the Killer's Knife was plastic and it had the tag still connected to it which was labeled "Thank you for shopping at The Dollar Tree!"::   
::Ryo busted out laughing::  
::The Killer's Cell Phone rang:: 

Killer: SHIT!!! THE COPS!!!  
Ryo-san: REALLY?!?!?!   
Killer: Hahahaha, just kidding. it's my bitchy girlfriend. Hey can you talk to her man? I don't feel like putting up with her shit tonight!

::The killer pushed the phone down the table to Ryo::  
::Ryo answered::

Ryo-san: Hello?  
Woman: WHERESMYBOYFRIENDHEWASSPOSETOCOMETOMYHOUSETONIGHTGODDAMNITIDONT-!!!!!!!!   
Killer: Is she pissed?  
Ryo-san:You have no clue.  
Killer: Shit! Im fucked!  
Ryo-san: Don't worry dude. I'll get'cha outta this.

::Ryo talked to the girl::

Ryo-san: Your boyfriend is currently busy right now. He's sucking a lollipop.   
Woman: THAT BITCH BETTER NOT BE SUCKING YOUR DICK!!! I TOLD HIM I'D CHOP HIS BALLS OFF AND SOW THEM TO HIS CHIN AND CUT HIS DICK OFF AND SOW IT TO HIS FOREHEAD IF I CAUGHT HIM WITH ANOTHER GUY AGAIN!!!!!  
Killer: Dude!  
Ryo-san: Hahahaha im just playing.   
Killer: Try not to make it too long! Ten Cents a minute!   
Ryo-san: Forreal! Shit!  
Killer: Hey man, would you happen to have a way to get me down there to her house before nine because if I don't im fucked. I'll free you from your gutting!  
Ryo-san: Sounds like a deal!

::Ryo took out his motorcycle::  
::He drove off::

Killer: Turn left here.  
Ryo-san: Roger!

::Ryo pulled up in front of a house::  
Killer: This is it.

::Killer got off and shook Ryo's Hand::

Killer: Thanks for everything man.  
Ryo-san: No problem.

::Killer looked at Ryo's Bike Tag which labeled" Soon to be a Marryed Man!"::

Killer: Getting married?  
Ryo-san: Yeah, tommorow.  
Killer:(Suprised) Oh shit man! If I would of known that I wouldn't of picked you to my the little innocent bitch tonight!  
Ryo-san: It's cool, really.   
Killer: Well good luck with the marriage.  
Ryo-san: Thanks. And ummm... good luck with the whole killing business.  
Killer: THANKS!

"The Next Day"   
"Ryo's Wedding Ceremony" 

::Ryo stood in front of a mirror, putting his Tuxedo on::  
::Man walked in::

Man: One hour 'til the ceremony! Where's your best man?!?!  
Ryo-san: I don't have a clue where Fuku-san is!

"Yokosuka Graveyard" 

::Fuku tunneled his way under the ground towards the grave of the Pope::  
::He encountered two signs under the ground labed: "This way to Elvis!" and the other," This way to the Pope!"::  
::Fuku scratched his head in flusterment::   
::Suddenly Elvis popped up on his left shoulder and the big Pope popped up on his right::

Pope: Come! Come to me!!!  
Elvis: You don't wanna dig him up!!! He's all old and fat!!!  
Pope: Hey bitch! You've been dead longer than I! Your bodies all skeleton now!   
Fuku-san: He does have a point Elvis.  
Elvis: Damnit!!! Why did I have to die so early?!??!!?

::Fuku planned to run a colt after Ryo's Wedding since Ryo and he weren't going to be together that much anymore so he decided to dig the Pope up as a Dead Sacrafice::  
::Fuku thought::

Fuku-san: The Pope was cute. Hehehehee... I may of become straight, but I can have fun one more time before fully turning! Elvis is more rotten and leathery so therefore the Pope will have a more softer texture on my twisted dick.

::Fuku dug himself out near the Pope's Grave and dug the Pope out::  
::He leaned his head over the opened tomb where the Pope lie::  
::He wrapped his hands around the Pope's waist and tryed to pull him out::

Grave Guards: HALT!!!!

::Several guards surrounded Fuku with flashlights, spotting the Pope leaning halfway out the tomb and Fuku kneeling down near the dead Pope's mouth::

Guards: We got ourselves a sicko here! Search him boys!!!

::The guards drew in close to Fuku::  
::Fuku was dumbfounded and speechless. He had to be at Ryo's Wedding to be his Best Man!::  
::Quickly, Fuku lifted the Pope up and shoved his fist up the Pope's Rotten Ass::  
::Fuku quickly and carefully used the Pope as a puppet::

Pope:(Fuku's deepened voice) Behold!!! I AM THE POPE!!!!

::The Pope jumped up and down, whailing his arms and legs whoobly::

Guards: OH MY GOD!!!! THE POPE IS ALIVE!!!!

::The guards clear their voices::

Guards: Ummm... sorry sir for such crude language.  
Pope: NONESENSE!!! Speak of whatever words you choose!!! FUCK!! FUCK!!! FUCK!!! Listen to me!!! I LIKE THE WORD FUCK!!!!

::The guards shrugged their shoulders in bewilderment::

Guards: Ummmmm... fuck?  
Pope: There ya go!!!  
Guards: YEAH FUCK THIS SHIT!!! I HATE THIS SHITTY JOB ANYWAYS!!!  
Pope: Yeah! Your getting it!! Now, be off with you all and let me and my noble steed behind me trail off into the night!!!  
Guards: VERY WELL

"Dobuita Park" 

::Fuku walked past the park as a shortcut on his way home from the Tomato Convenience Store::  
::Wierdly he spotted the most beautiful girl he had ever seen in his life... well he had never really looked at girl until now but you know what I mean::  
::He took a deep breath and approached her in a manly like:: 

Fuku-san:(Nervously) H-Hi!

::He flipped his hand at her and have her a wink::  
::The girl looked at him with a wierd look::

Fuku-san:(To himself) Shit!! Fuku-san! Get ahold of yourself man! She's not a man!!! Stop with the hand flipping and the winking!!! Got it?!?!

::Fuku controled himself and tryed again::

Fuku-san:(Deepening his voice) Well hello. I just noticed your fine, sexy ass here in this park and wanted to know if you wanted to stop buy the Achiichi China Resteraunt for some Chinese Food.

::The girl laughed::

Girl:(Chuckling) Sure... you seem like a funny guy.

::Fuku hit her shoulder and laughed::

Fuku-san:(Snorting) Stop it silly!!! (Girly like) Hehehehe!!!

"Hospital. One month later" 

::The doctor walked back and forth in front of Fuku and Raquanda carrying a bulletin::

Doctor: I have some great news!  
Fuku-san: What is it?  
Doctor: Your girl is pregnant. 

::Raquanda jumped up and down, hugging Fuku-san happily:: 

Fuku-san:(Shocked) I-Im g-g-g-gonna be a f-father?  
Raquanda: Yes! Isn't it so wonderful!!!  
Doctor: Please wait here. I have to go take some tests.

"DNA Room" 

::The doctor walked in::  
::The 2nd Doctor greeted him::

2nd Doctor: Dr. Smith, I have something you may wanna look at.  
Doctor: What is it?

::The 2nd Doctor showed the doctor a DNA Sample of Fuku and Raquanda::

Doctor:(Confused) HOLY SHIT! 

"Hospital Room" 

::Fuku and Raquanda wait for the doctor to come back::  
::Billy walked in:: 

Fuku-san: D-DAD?!  
Raquanda: D-DAD?!?!

::Fuku and Raquanda looked at each other in fluster::

Raquanda: No, that's my dad!  
Fuku-san: NO! THAT'S MY DAD!!!  
Billy: Im both your father!!!

::The two looked shockingly at Billy:: 

Billy: Fuku-san, Raquanda is a transexual. I wanted to tell you earlier but... I didn't quite feel that it was the right time to tell you.  
Fuku-san: SON OF A BITCH!!!!!!  
Raquanda: Wait! Im related to him!!!!  
Billy: Sorry Raquanda, I didn't tell you either. That's why I rushed down here so fast. Fuku-san, meet your Transexual Brother Raquanda. Raquanda, meet you recently became straight brother Fuku-san.

::The two shook hands::

Billy: SO WHEN'S THE BABY DUE?!?!?!??!

"Hilltop" 

::Ine-san and Fuku-san met Ryo-san at the top of a long, grassy hilltop::

Ryo-san: Welcome... I have called upon this meeting.

::Fuku was going to be a daddy, Ine-san got a full time job in prostitution and Ryo was happily married::

Ryo-san: We have all changed through our experiences together...   
Fuku-san:(Sigh) Even though I made my brother pregnant...   
Ryo-san: Even so Fuku-san! Look at all you've accomplished!   
Ine-san: The irony of it is though Fuku-san, you actually became straight. but still made a man pregnant hahahahha.  
Ryo-san: Yeah man... I think it's inevitable for you to become absolutely straight.   
Ine-san: But we're all still a family!

::Ryo-san walked up to the two and gave them both a hug::

Ryo-san: What we've learned through this journey of gayness, prostitution and drugs, is that when it all comes down to it, we're still a family and nothing is going to change that. A family is a family for the love of being a family. Who cares about all the obstacles that are thrown are way.   
Fuku-san: About me being gay?  
Ryo-san: Yeah... and about your prostitution Ine-san... but when it all comes down to it, we made it through and we're still the Hazuki's for good! I mean look at all we've been through and we still came out loving each other like a family!!!  
Fuku-san: I think im feeling the love too!!!!  
Ine-san: REALLY?!?!?

::Fuku-san's stomach growled::

Fuku-san: I think im hungry.  
Raquanda:(From the bottom of the hill) Fuku-san!!! The baby is kicking!!! Please come, we have to find ourselves a new house for the baby!!!  
Fuku-san: Coming my love!!! 

::Fuku faced Ryo and Ine-san::

Fuku-san: Well guys, im off. Take care of yourselves ya hear.  
Ryo-san: You too man!!! 

::Ryo gives him a great big hug::

Ryo-san: Have fun being a dad. Im working on it myself too!  
Fuku-san: Your alright Ryo-san... your alright man.

::Fuku ran off::

Ine-san: Well, I guess im off too.  
Ryo-san: You took me in and raised me Ine-san, thank you for everything.  
Ine-san: Hey it's no big deal. You actually raised yourself ya know, being that all I payed attention to was being a slut and having sex for money.  
Ryo-san: Hahahahah... yeah that's true.

::Ine-san ran off::

Ine-san: I'll call you if I make it big on some rich man!!!

::Nozomi called Ryo from the bottom of the hill::

Nozomi: Hey Ryo!! I GOT SOME GOOD NEWS!!!!  
Ryo-san: What?!?!?!  
Nozomi: IM PREGNANT!!!!  
Ryo-san: Oh fuck!!!! 


End file.
